The Land of the Samurai ; 侍の国 (Gintama x Reader)

Don't Put Your Wallet In Your Back Pocket

A groan escaped your lips with a bitter taste left in your mouth. "How careless could I have been? I lost my wallet and all the money I had in there... Kagura's going to be sad that she won't have a nice dinner tonight," you dropped your head and stopped in front of Otose's Snack Bar. Perhaps she could lend-

Wait. Why did you hear such loud laughter from the store?

"This little guy wants to lay the best woman in Yoshiwara?!" Otose cackled.

"Yoshiwara? Isn't that the underground red-light district?" you tilted your head at the thought. You've never been there personally before, but you've heard many bad rumours come from there.

"Kids shouldn't get sexually excited!" Catherine joined in. "Go home and drink your mother's milk!"

"It's not funny. This is six o'clock TV. Do you think that they'd allow that?"

"Don't worry about the details, Shinpachi," Kagura looked over to her friend. "Are you panicking because you've been beaten by a kid?" Shinpachi flinched and his cheeks flushed from embarrassment.

"Hey!" you greeted everyone in the shop. "What's this about a boy who wants to lay an older woman? I might have a clue on how to help-"

"Why would you know anything about that?!" Gintoki threw something hard into your face.

"Ow! Don't hit me! Zura's guilty pleasure is liking housewives... and widows, I think. He showed me a few magazines with tips- I probably shouldn't expose him like that," you picked up the object that Gintoki threw at you. "Oh! This is my wallet. Where'd you find it?"

"From this kid," your gaze turned towards the younger boy who was seated at the bar with the Yorozuya. He looked ragged and dirty; his brown-hair was a mess and it looked like he hasn't changed his clothes in weeks. He seemed to be eight or nine-years-old at most.

Shinpachi spoke, "A child like you shouldn't be going in and out of a town like that."

"I'm not a kid. It's Seita, you virgin."

The teenage boy froze and grabbed Seita by his shoulders, "What the hell did you say to me?! Do you know what the hell that means?!"

"Calm down, you virgin," Kagura chimed.

"Don't make fun of virgins-!! Men who stay virgins until they're thirty are called God Hands and are reborn as something called the Kato Taka!"

"I'll add that to my data," Tama nodded.

"You don't need that sort of information," Otose smacked her head.

"Why are you guys making fun of Shinpachi for being a virgin?" he tiptoed over to your side and hid behind your back. He really needed some moral support right now. "There's nothing wrong with being a virgin at your age. Don't get so worked up about it. The opportunity will come when you're ready." Shinpachi sniffled and placed his forehead on your back.

"You're only saying that because you were a virgin at his age, aren't you, [name]?"

"Hey, hey," you pointed at him accusingly, "And where's the evidence to back up that alleged fact, huh?! Don't go making up stupid facts-"

"Didn't you say not to get worked up about it?"

"Shut up!!" you threw your wallet at his face.

"Anyway..." the silver-haired man rubbed his nose. "We should let him go. It's impressive for a kid to be interested in women. As they say, 'Heroes enjoy the pleasures of the flesh.' He's even picking pockets to gather money to see a woman. He's going to be scary when he grows up."