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chapter 44: bacon&egg mcmuffin. but no bacon.

TW: heavy mentioning of drugs and display of their effects. this chapter isn't supposed to be taken as drug usage propaganda. please be careful and responsible if you ever take drugs in the first place. other VERY sensitive topics are mentioned. pls check all the trigger warnings at the beginning of the book just to make sure you'll be comfortable reading what's to come. i don't encourage the behaviour displayed throughout this chapter. please take care.

But if I OD,

I (actually don't) want you to OD right beside me.

I (actually don't) want you to follow right behind me.

I didn't sleep at all tonight.

I actually spent the night doing mushrooms and drinking energy drinks by myself.

I am high, guys, hello.

But on a positive note, not only am I high, I'm fucking happy.

I feel so happy, I want to jump. And not off a cliff, who would've thought?

I actually did mushrooms and amphetamines, which I know you shouldn't do, like... ever, but what's the worst thing that could have happened? Death? Like I care...

Anyways.

I was a bit skeptical I would have a bad trip and start having flashbacks and shit like that, because that's very much possible on mushrooms, but I didn't, I'm just... so great right now.

I don't do drugs a lot, the only ones I used to do a little more frequently were painkillers, to help my ever going headache, and then I did weed, mushrooms, amphetamines, coke... if I was feeling like having a little extra fun... at parties or with friends...

But today was... I don't know actually... it wasn't to have fun.

I just thought that I had to be high to be able to go to the game tonight, so that's what I did... I got high... a little early, but I plan on staying high until it's game time, so... great.

Let me tell you a little bit about the last 12 hours of my life... It's 12PM right now.

Basically, I had been dreading Friday to come during this entire week. I knew it would come and I knew I'd have to go to the game, see people, see Noah specifically... and I was very much nervous for it.

Sometime this week - I'm pretty sure right after practice on Tuesday, and yet another panic attack after being forced to hang out with the girls, but luckily, not with Noah because he didn't come - I had the brilliant idea that being high for the game today was the best thing I could do.

Oh, you know what? Just between you and me, and because I'm high enough to overshare, it was clearly out of my never ending self sabotaging ways... but who cares, right?

I knew I literally could not meet anyone that would sell me the drugs because I'd be terrified to, and I know I didn't want Campbell to think things or get worried if I directly asked him for them, so I had to find a way... and I did.

Basically I made up this story to Campbell that Brook wanted them for... whatever, I can't even remember what I said right now, so he was kind enough to get them "for me to give Brook"...

Moral of the story: I never gave them to Brook.

So fast forward to the beginning of the night... I got home from Campbell's house - he brought me home, and, as usual, whenever I'm done hanging with him for the day, I'm back in what I like to call The Spiralling Sky Mode.