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chapter 34: i was going to say "i love you".

Why did we fall that evening?

Silhouettes for the evening,

Might just be my type,

And I know just what you like,

But I'm still fucked up.

Don't know what to do.

**Noah's POV**

Guess I really am putting on a Halloween costume... to go to a Halloween party... that's unexpected... but here we are.

It's all for Sky, I swear... or else you wouldn't catch me dead in that shit hole.

If you were to tell me 2 months ago that this is what I'd be doing right now, I would've 100% laughed in your face.

My life really took an unexpected turn.

Who would've guessed that coming to this fucking country would turn out to be such a blessing in disguise? 

...That the city of angels would actually put a beautiful, blonde one in my life.

What an angel she is...

Something about her is truly... angelic... she made it so easy for me to simply fall in love with her. 

That's the craziest part.

That I'm in love with Sky... Fucking hell am I in love.

I am in love with Sky.

Love didn't sound like something I would ever feel for anyone but my mother... I was convinced that was too developed of a feeling for me... too hard of an emotion, and I was just not willing to work hard enough to get there.

I guess I learned love, or any emotion, isn't something you work hard for, isn't something with a price too high to buy... You'll just feel it when you feel it.

Some people feel it more easily, more often... others don't. And I surely don't.

But still, I guess I'm not as broken as I thought. I think I can love after all.

Because if what I feel for her isn't love, I don't know what is.

It's strange because I've only known her for a few weeks... but it's like we've known each other forever...

I've never had with anyone what I have with her.

Took me a while to understand the extent of what I felt. I'll admit I'm not the brightest when it comes to comprehending myself... that's why I have... well... so many of the issues I have... but I did understand it eventually... that not only was she truly special... she also had a truly special impact in me.

As soon as we started I should've understood it was love. As soon as I caught myself changing things about my lifestyle for her, I should've understood it. As soon as I kept wanting to run back to her arms minutes after leaving her, I should've understood it.

I understood soon enough, thankfully... But I'm still trying to make sense of it... 

I struggle with this shit. Feelings and emotions and... well... life.

I know in theory this is a good thing, and it feels good... it's good, don't get me wrong... but I hate to give myself away... I hate showing my true colours to people... But how can I not with her? I love her, of course I want to with her... I want to show her the whole rainbow and more...