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chapter 50: HOW SKY MET CAMPBELL, pt.1.

Feels like sometimes

He goes missing for days.

God must be doing cocaine.

trigger warning: self harm !

..early 2018..

Get me out of here.

Someone get me out of here and I promise I will never complain about anything ever again.

Hm, well... I don't know if I promise promise... But please. I beg.

I did not think this is how my Monday morning would play out...

"Mrs. Collins, I promise you it's really not that serious. I'm fine. I really am. I'm so sorry if I disturbed you, but I really am okay." I explain, putting on my best smile.

This room is suffocating to be in.

It's a very open space with big windows and light colored everything. The morning sun is lighting it up nicely... It's actually even hitting my face. But it still feels suffocating somehow.

Maybe the feeling of suffocation is just something that follows me around... But I don't want to get unnecessarily dramatic over it.

"Miss Hemmings, you were cutting your thigh with a pocket knife in a school bathroom. I think it is a very serious matter." She responds, her eyes wide, her voice low... Almost as if it's something shameful to say out loud.

Yeah, well, when you put it like that...

I'm in the counselors' office at school. My luck could not have been worse today.

I didn't feel very well. My soul was just feeling a little heavy today... I don't know why. I just woke up and I wish I hadn't. It happens to everyone, I think...

My chest felt tight, my head was hurting too, I'm tired... But I still made it to school.

Well, my body did. My head was fully somewhere else.

And I just couldn't stop thinking about it. The entire time I was in class... it was all I wanted to do. I needed that feeling. I needed that distraction. That strange instant gratification.

It's the thing about it too. It is addicting. Even when I'm doing well, it crosses my mind at least once a day... And it's an active, constant fight to deny myself of it. And sometimes I don't deny it. Sometimes I can't have that much control.

I carry a pocket knife around with me for that very reason. For whenever I have those needs.

It was one of those times today...

So I asked to go to the bathroom during one of my classes because I knew it would be far less crowded, not only that but I went to the one where I know people rarely go and I locked myself inside of a stall. There was nobody there, it was fine... All going according to planned.

So I was doing my things... starting to feel a little... Better...

But then God knows why, someone decides to enter the bathroom and make a loud ass noise. Obviously it scared me and guess what? I dropped the knife on the floor.

You know how bathroom stalls work, right? The door isn't really a door. So when the knife fell, it was visible from the outside.

Fucking hell... now I'm in this mess.