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chapter 39: you should find better hobbies.

The more I listen and I listen, the more I'm thinking,

You don't need a girlfriend, you just need a therapist.

"Hm, I guess?"

Or:

"No, I don't think it's the best idea."

Or:

"Sure, please come over right now, I'm waiting in my tree house for you."

Or:

"HAVE YOU LOST YOUR FUCKING MIND? DONT YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID?"

I've been debating which one of these is the best reply to Noah's text for the last hour. It's now 2 in the morning and I'm still in shock.

Why did he just send me a text? Why?

Did he hit his head? Did I? Again? Is he high? Drunk? Absolutely delusional?

Who does this shit?

Be with me to the point we're almost in a relationship, ask me to be exclusive with him, just to out of the blue leave me and go fuck someone else. Acts like he hates me, unfollows me on Instagram but then stays awake all night by my side at the hospital, starts kinda talking to me again and now texts me if I can talk?

Who the fuck does this?

This is mind games at their finest. I don't know if he is doing it on purpose, I find it really hard to believe he'd be hurtful to me on purpose, but then again, he did leave me so I have to stop making up excuses for his every action.

It's so conflicting up here. My brain is just one big mess for so many reasons.

I don't understand the reasoning behind his actions. Today for example, when he just sat next to me, for no apparent reason... just to talk as if we're cool? For what?

I swear to God, the Aquarius in him will be the death of me.

I don't know what else to say...

I guess if I did talk to him, then it'd be great because I could understand it all a little better. But he'll also ask questions if I talk to him. And I can't say anything. I can't talk about what happened.

To be fair, maybe I need therapy... 

But I can't. Genuinely, physically can't.

But I really want to know why all of this between us is happening.

But I also don't want to show I care after he clearly showed he doesn't.

But if he doesn't care, why be there in the hospital with me?

Okay. Fuck it, I'm going to talk to him.

Should I reply now? It's 2.a.m. But he did send me the text at 1 so he started it.

Okay, hm, what do I say?

I shouldn't say anything. I should go back to sleep.

No, no. I have to. To get closure, right? Yeah. That's what I'm looking for.

Yeah, I think so.

Alright, he asked if I think we can meet to talk? Yes, I do.

Should I just say that?

That's a bit too dry.

Well, that's what people say when they get married, so maybe it isn't that dry.