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chapter 35: "earth to skylar?"

My heart starts beating and my hands start sweating,

My chest starts sinking and it sometimes will even start shaking,

It's physical and emotional and it's hard.

"You're aware that you should eat before we go, right Sky?" Brook tells me as we both sit on the dining table.

I am aware.

"I told you I'm just not hungry, don't worry about it." Just like I haven't been hungry, ever, for the past week.

We're about to leave for the game because I couldn't make up a good enough excuse not to go. 

I really don't know how in the fuck that is going to turn out since I didn't even go to practice but whatever, we'll see... not to mention, I feel as shitty as I've felt the entire week.

Being in this stupid cheerleader outfit is already making me regret going... I should've thought about something so I could skip it, like, I don't know? My cat died? I don't have a cat. I don't know... something. 

But I didn't so here we are.

"Have you even eaten anything today?"

No.

"Yeah, of course I did."

Brook looks at me with an unsure look. "Okay then, we should go."

Yay, let's go... awesome.

"Sure. Can you drive us today, please?"

"What? You don't want to take your car today? What is going on with you Sky? Is this even you?" Brook says jokingly with a little smile on his face.

I return the smile saying "No, I don't think it's me, if I'm honest."

I really meant that more than he knows.

(...)

"Don't you want to warm up a bit?" Raine asks me.

I want to sleep, not warm up.

"No, I'm good."

I'm sitting in the locker rooms, freezing to my death, with a blanket around me, waiting for the time of the performance to come so I can get this over with.

I haven't seen anyone from the team, since I've been sitting here the entire time, so I haven't seen Noah, and I also haven't seen anyone that's come to watch the game, so also none of the guys from the party.

I have, on the other hand, seen every girl from the squad, and they won't talk to me, but I also won't talk to them.

Is this what it feels like to be lonely? Because that's 100% what I think I am at the moment. I couldn't hate this any more.

Why can't I be in my bed sleeping right now? And also like? For the rest of eternity?

"Okay, if you say so." Raine says and turns around.

Thank God. I just want to be alone.

But every time I'm alone, every time I close my eyes, that stupid dream plays in my head. And the scariest part is with each time I have to relive it... it gets more real.

Less like a dream and more like... a memory. A really twisted, weird memory. 

But I'm sure it's just my brain playing games with me... like it tends to do.