love island, multifandom ²

★ | 039. talk to me, shadowhunters

[name] had been hidden away in his room for the past couple days and everyone was worried about me. But no one was more worried then Alec was. [name] was his best friend and they always talked to each other when the other was upset. But this situation was different. [name] didn't want to talk to him and Alec didn't want to admit it but it broke his heart.

He couldn't take it anymore and he went to [name]'s room, lifting his hand and knocking loudly of the door. "I know you're in there! Let me in. Please. I just want to make sure you're okay. Then I'll leave you alone in you want me to.

The door unlocked and slowly opened. This was the first time he had seen [name] in a couple days. "I'm fine. I just don't feel the best." He said but it was a clear lie. There were bags underneath his eyes and a permanent frown on his face.

"Can you let me in? I'll only stay for a few minutes." Alec begged him and leaned closer, pleading him with his eyes.

[name] hesitated for a few seconds before he stepped to the side and let Alec pass him. He slowly closed the door behind him and stood stiffly, shoving his hands into his pockets. "Happy? You've seen my room, you've seen I'm still alive. Now you can relax."

"I can't relax because I know you're not okay and whatever is I'm here for you. You don't have to hide yourself away and drown in your own feelings."

"That's funny coming from you." The other Shadowhunter scoffed.

Alec raised his eyebrows in surprise, "what's that supposed to mean?"

"All you do is drown in your own emotions. You try to put up this cold act and never let anyone in. Not even me." He looked at the ground angrily. "I mean, you didn't even tell me you were getting married. I had to find out from Isabelle. You know how much that sucked?"

Alec felt his breath hitched. He hadn't told [name] about his engagement to Lydia because he knew he would be against it and he didn't want another person telling him how he shouldn't do it. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you but I'm doing what's best for my family. You understand that, don't you?"

"You're throwing away your chance to be happy! So no, I don't understand." He shook his head quickly and crossed his arms. "You're making a mistake." He was Alec's best friend so he knew how he truly felt towards that of the opposite sex.

"I'll be fine. I'll get married and we'll run the institute. I don't need to be in love with her. Why do you care so much anyway?"

"Why do I care?!" [name] shouted, running his hands through his hair, thoughts running wild in his head. "Because I - " He couldn't get the words out. "Never mind. Just go. Just go and get married and be unhappy for the rest of your life. See if I care."

Alec frowned, looking at him intensely. "Sure, [name]. Whatever you say." Feeling his own anger now, Alec stormed out of the room and slammed the door behind him.

[name] scoffed, picking up the closeted object, which was a clock, and throwing it towards the wall. It smacked against it with a loud thud before falling to the ground. "He's such an idiot!" He hissed out before dropping to the floor in front of his fireplace and putting his arms around his knees. The reason he was so upset was because he was in love with Alec. He had been for years now but had kept it to himself.

He thought maybe there was the slightest possibility he had a chance but now Alec was getting married. His chance was crushed and gone. The thought killed him inside. He was too much of a coward to tell Alec how he really felt so now he was going to have to suffer in silence.

★ ★ ★

"I don't know what's wrong with him? I tried talking to him but all he kept talking about was my marriage to Lydia. It couldn't have just been that bothering him." Alec said to his sister as they stood in the main room of the institute.

Isabelle shook her head. She knew Alec could be oblivious at times but she couldn't believe he couldn't see the feelings [name] had for him. "Think about it Alec. Why would he be upset you're getting married?" She asked and gave him a look. "It's not that hard to figure out."

"I don't know Isabelle!" Alec exclaimed back to her.

She put her hand to her forehead and rubbed at it. "He's jealous."

"Jealous? Of what? Wait, does he have feeling for Lydia?"

Isabelle laughed in disbelief. "Try again, genius." She spoke, looking him in the eyes. Slowly she could see the wheels turning in his brain, slowly figuring out what she was talking about.

His eyes seemed to widen when he realised and he shook his head quickly. "No. There's no way... he has feelings for me. I - I would know. He would have told me." He said but he didn't sound sure of himself.

"Would he?" Isabelle questioned, making him pause. "I can't tell you what to do, Alec but he's your best friend. You need to talk to him about this and tell him how you feel as well."

"How I feel? I - I don't feel anything for him. I'm with Lydia. I'm getting married to her." He said quickly, a light red dusting against his cheeks.

Isabelle simply hummed and went back to focusing on what she had previously been doing. Alec stood in silence, eyes vacant as his mind whirled with thoughts. Thoughts of [name] and what he was going to say to him the next time he saw him.

★ ★ ★

[name] had finally decided to leave his room. He was done moping around. He needed to do something to take his mind off his feelings. There was a mission coming up and he couldn't wait to go on it and blow off some steam.

He was just about to exit the institute when he heard his name being called. He stopped in his tracks and turned around, feeling his mood drop even more when he saw it was Alec approaching him. "I don't have time to talk. I have a mission I need to get to."

"Just wait a second. Please." Alec pleaded.

[name] sighed and looked at the door that was so close before hesitantly nodding his head. "If this is about your wedding again, I don't want to talk about it." He said firmly.

"It's not about that. I mean, it sort of is. It's more about you and me." Alec said quietly. [name] stilled and kept his mouth shut, not knowing what to say. "I had a talk with Isabelle and she made me realise something... why didn't you tell me you... had feelings for me?"

"Isabelle had no right..." [name] hissed out and gripped at the ends of his hair. "Look, just forget about it. There's no point in talking about this when nothing is going to come of it. Now, if you'll excuse me."

Alec moved around him and stood in front of him. "I don't want there to be a rift between us. I don't want to lose you." He said honestly. "Please. I need you."

"We'll be fine, Alec." [name] smiled tightly. "I'll get over these stupid feelings sooner or later but I'm not coming to the wedding. You can't ask me to do that."

"I understand." Alec felt like he couldn't breath as he watched [name] make his way to the exit again. He wanted to scream at him to stop, that his feelings were returned and he wouldn't get married to Lydia, that they could be together but then his family entered his mind. Marrying Lydia was what he needed to do to restore the Lightwood name and have the Clave trust them again. "I'm sorry. I really am. I wish things could be different."

"I know, Alec." [name] smiled sadly. "Me too."

As he left, he took Alec's heart with him.