The Devils On My Shoulder | ChanHoMin

44

seungmin sunk down against the bed, pulling his knees up to his chest, starting to cry as he thought about what he just said, it was true, the feelings of attachment and dependency and the sheer desperation he felt was because he was starting to feel for them.

he hated this so much, he wanted this to stop, he had nothing anymore.

"felix..." he whispered.

he put his head on his knees as he cried.

"please come and get me... please, i'm sorry for needing them, i'm sorry for not hating them, please felix im sorry." he sobbed.

he couldn't do it, he was so mentally and emotionally tired, what he said was true and he should stay away from them but he couldn't, the built up pressure inside of him was too much. he got up and ran to the door, shaking the handle and knocking.

"please come back... im sorry! i need you both to come back please! please? i don't want to be alone please come back..." he called, pulling on the door handle harder, hitting it harder.

chan looked up as they heard the noise. both of them acted before thinking, he was going to make too much noise and make someone suspicious. minho unlocked the door and opened it, both of them looking at seungmin.

seungmin lowered his head, clutching at his chest.

"please." he cried.

chan closed the door as minho stepped closer.

seungmin shook his head.

"please!"

"please what?"

"n-need-"

seungmin couldn't speak, his breaths were too fast and sharp, his chest hurt as he clutched it, trying to take a breath. he looked up at them, his cheeks were flushed red and his eyes were red too and swollen, tear tracks running down his face, his hair was a mess from lack of care to it and it fell over his face. he was panting heavily, trying desperately to take a breath in.

"you need us."

seungmin nodded frantically, he didn't know what else to do, he was so lost. chan took seungmin's arm and pulled him towards the bed, seungmin was shaking and panting as he cried.

both chan and minho didn't have any interest in being caring and loving, but they knew that they had to be careful, if they pushed him too far he would do something stupid, they didn't want to but they knew that care was necessary to keep seungmin safe, as much as they wished it wasn't.

chan pulled back the blanket and pointed at it.

"get in."

seungmin shook his head fast and backed away from the bed, breathing heavily. he didn't want to be tied to it so they could leave, he didn't want to be put in there so they could walk out.

chan sighed and pulled seungmin by his arm, lifting him into it.

seungmin fought him a little bit but he didn't have the energy, his sharp breaths and small sobs were draining and exhausting. chan put the blanket over seungmin, sitting himself on the edge of the bed. he picked up the water bottle and held it to seungmin's lips.

minho had closed the door and walked to the shelf, he picked a movie from the small range and went to the dvd player, turning it on and putting the disc in, he sat next to chan.

seungmin drank a bit from the water and tried to calm his breathing and his cries but he knew it was only a matter of time before they would leave again.

chan moved his hand, offering it to seungmin who immediately grabbed it and hugged it like a stuffed animal, guiding chan's palm to rest on his cheek, closing his eyes and basking in the the feeling.

seungmin was naturally dependent, that's why he was such an easy target. they had been watching seungmin for a long time and the fact that he depended on felix so much that he didn't have anyone else to search for him made him easy, but they hadn't thought about how seungmin would turn to something else to depend on if he didn't have felix, they hadn't prepared to become as important to seungmin as they were. it was risky and scary for both of them, but it wasn't seungmin's fault, they just didn't know how to deal with it.

"we are going to go shopping soon." chan mumbled.

seungmin opened his eyes and looked up as his sobs and hard breaths turned to softer ones and little hiccups between cries. he felt so much warmth and comfort. he stared up at chan, a little confused, was he trying to tell him about his day? if so, why? was he trying to make conversation? if so, why?

"we are going to get some things for you." he continued.

that made a little more sense.

"l-like what?"

"you'll see, be patient." chan snapped back.

seungmin flinched a little, but nodded quietly and went back to holding onto chan's hand.

they sat with seungmin for a while as the movie played and seungmin slowly calmed down, all three of them were troubled by something. seungmin managed to control his emotions again now he was being touched, it felt nice and soothing, he loved nothing more than affection, but he appreciated it so much more now.

=♡=