The A-Z Of Sex (Complete)

Pain Instead Of Pleasure

"Camila!" I slam the door to our hotel room shut and wait for her to appear but she doesn't so I move to the bathroom in case she's getting dressed... nothing! and then to the bedroom... nothing!

"Camila?" And then I spot her, tiny and on the ground of our balcony, her knees pulled up to her chest and her head resting on top of them and I know for a fact I have fucked up and I have fucked up bad

"You're going to be late for your boy" I say as I move towards her but she doesn't look up at me the way I want her too, she doesn't show me those eyes and that half smile that let me know I'm a dick but she'll forgive me if I say the right things

"I cancelled it, you spoiled it for me" she sniffs as though she's been crying and that makes my chest ache. I never wanted to hurt her, I never meant for it to get this complicated

"It would have been shit anyways" I try to sound cocky, try to provoke that fire in her I love instead of the pain I have caused

"I wanted to get dressed nice and make a new friend"

"And he wanted to undress you and make you moan. It wouldn't have worked, I saved you the trouble"

She huffs out a laugh I know is fake whilst shaking her head

"Thank you Shawn" she says sarcastically "Always thinking of others, never yourself"

I pull in a deep breath and step closer to her whilst she keeps her back to me, never lifting her head, never looking at my face so she could see how genuinely sorry I am for the mess I have made

"I'm sorry"

That got her attention as her head snaps up and she looks at me over her shoulder, her bloodshot eyes making me feel like someone just shot me in the heart

"For?"

She's not letting me off with this lightly so I crouch down and pick her up bridal style, amazed when she doesn't fight back, she just slumps against my chest and that makes my chest ache even more.

Placing her down on the couch, I take a seat next to her as we sit in silence, me wracking my brain trying to work out what to tell her, to fix this but the way it's going everything I say seems to only make it worse

"I shouldn't have told you to cancel your date"

"Why not?"

"Because I'm not willing to date you" her eyes go shiny with tears but she doesn't give in to them and it's the final thing I need to know that things have changed, feelings have become involved and that was the last fuckin thing I needed

"Am I really that gross? The thought of us dating really that terrible to you?"

"It's not you..."

"Oh don't do this! The 'it's not you it's me' routine" she slams her hands down onto the leather sofa before dropping her head to her chest

"But it's true" I use a finger to lift her chin so she will look at me but she refuses to make eye contact "I'm a fuck up Camila, I fuck everything up I mean look at the mess I've made of this"

Finally she lifts her eyes to meet mine and the hurt is swirling through them and I feel like the biggest ass in the world

"Was any of this even real?" She asks with a sniff and I want to tell her no, I want to break her so she will run from me and never look back but I can't do that to her, she doesn't deserve it, especially not after what she went through with her ex so I swallow everything down and opt for a tiny bit of honesty

"Of course it was, it wouldn't be this hard if it wasn't"

"Then why can't we try?!" Her eyes fill with hope and I don't want that, I don't want her to think there's a chance, I don't want her fooling herself into thinking I might change my mind because I won't

"Because I don't want to try"

Liar!

"Because yes, I feel something for you but it's not enough for me to want to do this"

Dirty fucking liar!

"I'm me Camila, I fuck around, it's what I do, it's what I want"

LIAR!!!!

"I like you but I don't want you enough to change, I'm sorry"

I'm so fuckin sorry Teddy!

I'm sorry I can't be the man you deserve

I'm sorry I can't just put the past into the past and leave it there

I watch as her face crumples and one fat tears wobbles it's way down her cheek

"What's wrong with me? Why does no one ever want me?" She collapses against my chest as my arms wrap around her protectively and I hold her close to me, hating the way her body shakes against me with pain instead of the pleasure I usually give to her

I say nothing else, I just stay silent but in my chest my heart is screaming

I want you Teddy!

I want you so fuckin much it scares me!

I'm a coward!

I'm weak!

You deserve better!

"I guess this means we're breaking up" she says referring to our fake relationship and I just hold her tighter to me

"Yeah Teddy, we're breaking up" those words are all it takes for her to dissolve into sobs as I cling to her, knowing this is the last chance I will ever get to hold her

Knowing I did the one thing I swore I would never do

I fell for my little sisters best friend... again