The A-Z Of Sex (Complete)

I Don't Want To Be A BF!

"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" With each expletive that crosses my lips I slam my fist into the punch bag and imagine it's my own head

"Mendes!"

My friend Brian has to call my name twice and then put his hands on my shoulders before I even register his presence

"Long time no see man" he bangs his knuckles against mine but declines my 'man hug' due to my state of intense sweatiness and I don't blame him, I'm more wet now than I would have been if I had taken a shower

"What's provoking the aggression?"

"Candi"

"Fuck that bitch" he spits and I nod, knowing he knows and understands the truth of my 'relationship' with Candi and despises her almost as much as I do for it

"And there's a girl..." his blue eyes double in size at the statement, I have known Brian for years and in all that time I don't think either of us has ever had 'a girl' to talk about

"She's not pregnant is she?!"

"Fuck no! Shit Bri, don't talk like that around me"

"The way you get around it's a wonder there isn't an army of little Mendes babies out there" he laughs like he's the funniest man on earth but I just shake my head

"I'm not laughing"

"Come on then who's the girl and why's she put you in such a sour mood?"

"This is so fucked up" I pick up my grey towel and wipe my face with it

"Because?"

"Because she's a friend of my sisters and because I 'like' her"

His eyes widen again as he lowers his voice and closes the gap between us "You like a girl?"

I nod

"As in like like?"

I nod again

"Wow!"

"It's not wow it's shit! I don't want to like a girl, especially not my sisters best friend"

"So forget her, fuck someone else and move on"

"Well I can't because apparently when you 'like-like' someone you don't want to fuck anyone but them"

"Seriously?! Who knew? So what's the problem, you like her, you're fucking her right?" I nod "so everyone's happy... wait, is your sister pissed about it?"

I begin unwrapping the tape from my hands as I shake my head "Aaliyahs all for it"

"So the problem is? Because I'm struggling to see the drama here"

"She wants more than just sex"

"Oh she wants a B F" I nod "And you don't want a G F?" I just shrug unsure what I want anymore

"I bought her a sweater"

"By sweater you mean see through lingerie, right?"

"No I mean a sweater and then I fucked her in the back of my car" his jaw opens wide "Dude I don't let any girl into that car let alone swap intimate bodily fluids with them in it"

"Looks like it's happened. The wild man Mendes has finally been tamed"

"I don't want to be tamed"

"Like it or hate it you're her boyfriend"

"But I don't want to be a boyfriend!"

"Okay, okay, okay" my friend turns to me and puts his hand on my shoulder before realising his mistake and wiping it down the front of his jeans "so say we go out and she's out, she's a single girl..."

Okay him referring to Camila as a 'single girl' just caused my stomach to clench in a way I don't want it to

"So she's single, she's out with Liyah or whoever and a guy tries to pick her up and she's still single cos that asshole Shawn never asked her to be his girlfriend and she goes for it and they're on the dance floor of some club and he's kissing her neck and then her mouth... she got good kissing lips?"

"The best. She's Latina"

"Oh! so he's got his hands all over that Latin ass"

I know what Brian's doing, he's trying to provoke a reaction from me and even though I know it's a game I can't help the way my teeth and fists are clenching at the very vivid very disgusting scene he's just painted in my mind

"Oh you don't like that do you? The thought of some guys hands on her ass"

"Wait til you see the ass, in fact scrub that, you so much as look at her ass and I'm gouging your eyeballs out with my thumbs"

He collapses into a fit of laughter that's so fake and so over the top that other gym users stop and look at us

"I'm a mother fuckin boyfriend aren't I?"

"She got you Mendes. Hook, line and sinker"

"Fuck!"

"Now you have to go and get her before she and Aaliyah go to that club and that guy tries to pick her up and put his hands and mouth all over what's yours"

Picking up my gym bag, everything suddenly falls into place in my mind "Cancel my class for me?"

"No problem, you off to claim your girl?"

"I'm off to do something" I tell him as I break into a jog, not sure what the hell i'm doing but aware for the first time in a long time my 'single status' could be about to change