A/N: Hi! MIA ako, I know. Hahaha! I'll change the contents of Viper2 from CH10 to the current, as well as may madadagdag na chapters doon. Maglalagay na lang ako ng Author's Note sa mga chapter na nabago para may heads up din.
And the title for Viper 2 will be changed from Mon Bonheur to Other Universe. Oo na, ako na pabago-bago ng isip. Sorry na. Hahahaha! I'll start the change asap, maybe today. Thank you!_________________________________
Lloyd Vincent
Nagising ako dahil sa tunog ng mga mabibigat na bagay inuusod sa sahig at boses ng mga taong nag-uusap. Kaya lumabas ako sa kusina at nakita ang isang malaking kutson at dalawa pang box sa gilid nito. Nakatayo si Kyle malapit sa pinto, may hawak na clipboard at may pinipirmahan na siyang hinihintay ng dalawang delivery guy.
"What is this?"
Binigay muna ni Kyle ang clipboard at hinintay munang umalis ang mga delivery guy bago sumagot sa'kin. "Kinausap ko na ang landlord mo from airbnb at nagkasundo kaming papalitan ko na lang ang mga nasirang gamit."
"How the hell did you know my landlord?"
He shrugged it off at inalok ako ng isang box ng pepperoni pizza sa ibabaw ng dining table. "Food?"
"You cleaned my room?"
Kumuha ito ng platito sa cupboard ko saka inilagay ang isang slice ng pizza dito at kumuha pa ng isa. "No, I called someone to do that."
Binuksan pa ni Kyle ang TV bago umupo sa single sofa doon at nagsimulang kumain. Ang dami yatang oras nito? "Anong oras na ba?"
Tumingin ito sa wristwatch na suot. "6:18pm. You've been sleeping for more or less 18 hours."
That wasn't new.
Pumunta ako sa sofa and had a side glance of the balcony. Gusto ko na sanang tumalon doon para matapos na ang lahat ng pinagdadaanan ko ngayon. Instead, I threw myself on the couch: in a fetal position with an arm on my eyes. Wala akong ganang gumalaw ngayong araw.
Maya-maya, may naghagis ng kumot sa'kin.
Kyle took care of me in the succeeding days. In between both of our duty hours, he'd usually drop by with food and drinks. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ayaw niya akong tantanan. Wala rin akong lakas para itaboy siya.
Ang mahirap makakuha ng motivation sa kahit ano; kahit bumangon sa pagkakatulog. And with my chest aching so much, minsan iniisip ko; how can I feel it breaking when it's hollow and heavy at the same time? I couldn't even cry anymore. And I couldn't do anything, I just dragged it with me.
After four years of being alone, I learned that survival was not the hardest part of living. I've done it for almost twenty four years, I could do it for 10 more. You eat, breathe, hydrate, work, and repeat. Remind yourself to wake up and hear the alarm set off with my eyes wide awake. It's easy to exist, but hard to live.
And in those times, I think about Alice. She made me fall in love with being alive and without her here, it's hard to fall in love with anything else.
Then I began asking myself what was the point in keeping myself alive. I've ruined countless lives and killed a lot more, got one of my best friends killed while the other one may not recover at the loss. I nearly killed the love of my life by my own hands. And hell, I was so fucked up that a lot of times, I can't feel anything anymore. Kailangan ko lang sugatan ang sarili ko para lang hilahin ang sarili ko pabalik sa katawan ko.
I was merely existing and suffering as I exist.
Do I deserve to live? Do I have something to live by? Am I as worthless as I thought I was? Tao pa ba ako? O isang malaking waste of space and time? Is there a possibility that someday, I can stop living in a survival mode and experience a normal life, whatever that may be?
