Under the Brightest Stars

20

20

It will always be the regrets that will come and haunt us whenever we can't fall asleep.

I sighed as I stared at the empty ceiling of my room. I stayed up all night thinking about what happened in the past that I did not realize it's already one a.m. when I looked at the clock.

Tumayo ako at isinuot ang silk robe at nagtungo sa balkonahe. My condominium in Manila was at the 21st floor so I can see the pretty view of the city lights twinkling. That reminds me...

Tumingala ako sa kalangitan at walang nakita na mga bituin. Sumimangot ako ngunit pinagwalang-bahala na lang iyon.

I used to think that the stars would light my path towards my destination. But everytime I feel lost and scared, there's no stars to look at. And I forced myself that maybe the brightest stars refused to guide me anymore because I am a horrible person.

Still, I am grateful.

Life continued even if Santi did not show up that day after we talked at the bar. I graduated. Then went abroad for my masters. Got scouted for a local make-up brand and got my big break.

Hindi na ulit kami nag-catch up. Hindi ko na rin siya nakita ever since.

It worked as what I imagined it to be. I got my career without my mother's help. And I don't know why I'm still not happy... well I am... but there's just something else bothering me...

Hindi ko pa rin malimutan ang naging pagkikita namin ni Santi kanina pagkatapos ang ilang taon. He put up a taekwondo school. Gotten matured. Though I'm not sure if he's married but I guess he's now happy with his life.

"Nahihibang ka na ba Franceska? You have an appointment at Monday!" galit na sabi ng manager kong si Richard kanina habang nagda-drive.

Hindi ako nakinig sa mga sinabi niya kasi masyadong lumilipad ang utak ko kaiisip kay Santi. Iyak lamang ako nang iyak sa backseat. He kept on telling me that I was just too carried away, but I'm sure of it.

"Is this why you came here to the Philippines, huh? It's not for vacation, right? It's for that guy again!"

Bumuntong-hininga ako at sinalubong ang malamig na hangin. I stayed at the balcony for a while and went to the kitchen to drink water.

I opened my phone and saw emails from work. May nakaalam kasi na umuwi ako sa bansa pagkatapos ang ilang taon kaya maraming nagre-request for guesting sa mga magazine at interview. I ignored it all and went to my social media account.

Sumabog ito sa rami ng notification kaya nilagay ko muna sa silent mode. I typed Santi's name on the search bar and saw his account. It was private kaya hindi ko ito matingnan. I always visit it but I never got the chance to look at it.

Masyado kasing tanga at in-unfollow. Ayan tuloy, hindi na ako maka-stalk.

Hinilot ko ang sentido at humiga sa sofa, nagbabasakaling makatulog. The morning light woke me up at eight in the morning. Sumakit ang ulo ko nang bigla akong bumangon.

Wala akong schedule ngayon kaya nagluto na rin ako ng breakfast. Spending years in the states made me independent and strong. I was all alone and I was not used to it. Ngunit kalaunan ay nasanay na ako at namuhay mag-isa.

Palagi rin naman akong kinukumusta ni Dad. Si Mom ay hindi na nakapalag sa desisyon ko. But then she accepted that I will never follow her footsteps. Masaya rin naman siya sa pagmomodelo ko.

I heard the door opened and Richard came in with a grumpy face.

"At hindi mo sinasagot ang mga tawag ko," aniya.