Under the Brightest Stars

34

34

"Ten minutes to air," the director said.

Richard nodded in my behalf before he faced me. I chuckled when he fixed my hair. The coffee I drank filled the air and I became nauseous by it. Or maybe I'm just slightly nervous.

"Relax... I'm gonna be fine," I said.

"I could not help it, okay? This is like... one of the biggest TV shows in America?!"

I chuckled. "I know, I know. So calm down."

But he didn't. Richard began to inhale and exhale, as if he's the one getting interviewed later. I pulled my compact mirror and checked if my make up got a smudge or something.

"Anyways, how's your boyfriend?" I asked him.

He rolled his eyes and I already knew what's going on.

"Did you two fight? Again?"

He met a young man five months ago and exclusively dated. It's supposed to be a secret but there's no secret between us. Ni hindi ko pa nga name-meet ang boyfriend niya. But I respect his decision.

Richard exhaled.

"Minsan kasi, you should lessen your pride."

"Yes, Frans, I know. But it's just irritating sometimes. Whenever I talk to him about my plans in renovating my unit, he'd always disagree."

"E, ano ba ang gusto mong mangyari?"

"That he'll agree with me!"

Mahina akong natawa sa kanya. He reminds me of the young Franceska. I used to be very impulsive with things in order to let it go my way. Gusto kong palagi na pinapakinggan. Maybe because the frustration I had with my mother grew over the time. And I feel like the world is against me.

"Richard, the world doesn't revolve around you, okay? Respect your boyfriend's decision."

"Hay naku, whatever."

The director gestured us to go backstage. Again, Richard started to take deep breaths. I checked my yellow sundress. I peeked at the studio and saw my fans sitting on the bleachers. They carried banners with my name on it. I took a photo and posted it on my instagram story.

The countdown started. The crowd roared. Richard smiled at me one more time before he left.

"Now, let us all welcome our beautiful supemodel... Franceska!"

I took a deep breath before I went to the stage. Para akong mabibingi sa lakas ng sigawan ng tao. I waved at them. The respectable host smiled at me. I sat down on the sofa intended for me.

"Wow, the energy's unbelievable," I said.

The moment I saw my fans smiling at me, I feel very... overwhelmed. I feel like crying. At the back, I saw tarpaulins hanging around with my face.

Maybe a part of me lied when I talked back to my mother. I was slowly becoming like her – being adored, being loved, being watched. But there's just this huge gap between us, too. As if we're similar and different at the same time.

The interview was light and funny. I feel very welcome. Tawa lamang ako nang tawa dahil jolly iyong host.

"And you visited your home, right?" he asked.

"Uh, yeah... the Philippines. I've been there four years ago."

Apat na taon.

Apat na taon na mula noong huli akong bumalik pero para pa rin itong kahapon lang. I felt the warmth inside my heart as I recall the things that happened there.