Whispers at Witching Hour

Chapter 64

Musical inspiration: Wait for Life – Lana Del Rey

Zelda needed a smoke. As if one drama was not enough, they were now facing battles in two realms if not more. Having Lilith appear with the gathered Hordes of Hell in the Grand Hall was not exactly how she had imagined the whole "we should keep our distance"-thing, but she had to admit there were far more pressing matters ahead than their relationship drama.

What irked her most was that Lilith had been right; she had to agree with her concerning Sabrina's duty to Hell and the Coven. And – truth be told – she appreciated Lilith taking the initiative to make Sabrina realise the part she had played in creating this chaos.

In fact, Lilith was tirelessly proving to her how much she wanted to be part of this family, how she was willing to take responsibility and how she would always fight for her. But no one could deny they had issues. While Lilith could not break out of her habit of lying and hiding things, Zelda could not keep from pushing her away in fear of being vulnerable and allowing closeness.

She was still mad at her and would be for some time, but she knew for a fact that she would miss her soon enough. She always did.

For now, there was something else she had to do even if she had to swallow her pride and do something she rarely ever did: Apologise. Zelda owed her younger sister more than an apology for the way she behaved, her self-centredness, when all Hilda had been doing was look out for her.

She had called her to her office, and they took seats around the large wooden desk. Zelda put her cigarette out, propped herself up on her elbows with her hands folded and chin up. If she had to humiliate herself for the sake of the relationship with her sister, she would do it her way: Gracefully, dignified and controlled.

"So, Zelds, what did you want to talk about?" Hilda scratched the spot behind her ear, appearing as if her mind was elsewhere, but that was not so unusual for her.

"Hilda, I am more than unsatisfied by the way we left things at our last encounter."

"Unsatisfied?", Hilda repeated with an amused undertone regarding her sister's blatant understatement.

"Fine. I'm aware I've been unnecessarily harsh and might have said some inappropriate things considering you only wanted to help."

"Zelda what is this? Is this supposed to be an apology? Because it doesn't sound like one."

The elder Spellman shifted in her seat, uncomfortable in the situation, a lump growing in her throat.

"It is. You know I'm not good at these things, but I mean it." Her voice was low and monotone as she was looking away down at her hands.

"I know you've been through terrible things, Zee, and I understand how trauma affects you and your behaviour but-"

"What do you know about trauma?", Zelda spat sarcastically, gaze shooting up glazed with defensiveness.

"Seriously?! Zelda, you've brutally murdered me countless times throughout the larger part of my life! On purpose! Have you ever wasted a thought on how this affected me?! On my trauma?! Can you imagine how painful it is – both physically and mentally – to be killed and then to resurrect over and over again?"

"But I haven't done that in months!", Zelda defended herself.

"I can't believe you!", Hilda shook her head, "These things stay with you. You should know about that. I still have nightmares about you crushing my skull with a hammer or slitting my throat at the breakfast table between cookies and a cup of earl grey! I still panic whenever you raise your voice and flinch at your every sudden movement!"

Zelda bit back a whimper that wanted to escape her at her sister's words, hearing the pain in them and knowing they were nothing but true. Screw it I need another cigarette. She lit her smoke fumbling nervously with the lighter she now had to use due to the lack of magic. The first drag was deep and long, relaxing at the sensation of the smoke filling her air pipes.

Some time passed in silence as Zelda blew out the smoke, took another drag, and released it again. Hilda eyed her, unsure of what she had to expect from her sister now. She had never dared to tell her those things to her face before, but ever since Dr Cee had come into her life, she had slowly started to acknowledge her own worth.

Zelda cleared her throat a little longer than she had intended to, trying to get rid of what was blocking her throat. "I... Hilda I... Never knew you felt that way."

The younger Spellman let her head fall to the side, narrowing her eyebrows. "That's because you never cared to ask me how I feel. Never cared to notice me at all."

Zelda inhaled sharply at the remark and had to rise from her seat to walk, just walk. She needed a release for her emotions that was not crying – She had had enough of that recently, although her eyes were already stinging.

"I'm a horrible sister", she admitted, pacing and smoking.

Hilda sighed, softening her features a bit. "No, that's not true. You've done horrible things, yes. But you've also protected me and this family with your life, sacrificing your own happiness. I won't forget that."

Zelda could not reply due to her mind racing and reevaluating her own worth. Hilda did not mind her quietness as there were more things burning in her chest, waiting to be talked about. They had not had a decent conversation in a long time, especially not about their past because they were both avoiding being reminded of it.

"I'm truly grateful for having you as my sister and for your courage. You shielded me from mum's rages, I barely witnessed any of them. And through it all you were only a child yourself. I can't imagine how terrified you must've been... And yet, you still did it – for me. You saved me from a lot of hurt, you know? Hurt that you selflessly took on yourself."

Zelda stopped in her tracks, crossing her arms, and swallowing dryly. "I'm your older sister, it was my duty to do so."

"Don't be ridiculous; there's no such duty. You did it because, Zelda, you're good at heart. And I know you hate being soft and all, but it suits you, it really does. I've seen it with Lilith."

Hilda turned in her chair to get a glimpse of Zelda, but her sister was standing with her back to her.

"Maybe you've chosen to become cold and ruthless because it was the only way for you to survive, but let me tell you, the path you're taking will end with you being exactly like she was. And I don't want that for you, you're better than that."

Zelda turned on her heel and took another drag, tapping with the tip of her shoe.

"Am I really becoming her?", she said anxiously, her facial muscles tense.

Hilda nodded silently but did not want Zelda to beat herself up now so she added: "Perhaps Lilith could be for you what Dr Cee is for me. Make you see your true self and worth. He's helped me and my confidence a lot. Don't you think you could get back with her?"

Being reminded of Lilith and the fact her family still did not know about their relations was not what she needed now. Zelda needed everything to be calm and settled before she could reveal this much about herself and allow her family to know this piece of her private life. So, she decided to ignore that remark.

"He's good for you, isn't he?", she continued walking, "Look, Hildy, you know I can't completely change who I am now, it's too late, but I'll try. I'll try only to thank you for sticking around for so long and enduring me."

"I appreciate that, Zelds."

"And of course, you have my blessing to marry your man." A ghost of a smile flitted across her face.

"Aw, I love you sis." Hilda rose from the chair and opened her arms to hug her older sister; something she had not done in a long time.

It was a clumsy hug with a stiff Zelda and an overly affectionate Hilda, but that was just who they were, and it was alright that way.