Whispers at Witching Hour

Chapter 97

Warning for heavy content! I debated a lot with myself about how I wanted to do this but since we all like pain here... No, seriously, it serves the purpose of understanding and relating to Lilith's struggles better just like with Zelda. So, prepare. 

Musical inspiration: Climbing Up The Walls – Radiohead

Her back ached, mostly around her neck and shoulder blades as if it were a manifestation of all the weight she had to carry. Zelda could hardly walk with all this responsibility weighing her down. She had to ensure the coven's survival, and partly even the world's. She had a personal obligation to Sabrina's wellbeing, her fiancé's sanity as well as her own. And now – a child, another child. Or was it even that when it was something less than cellular?

Why did everything have to depend on her and her actions alone? As much as she loved the power, being the one everyone sought out when in need of advice, she had to admit to herself she was only human. And right now, she could not handle any of this. Zelda knew she should go check on Lilith, knew she was the one who had to own up and be Lilith's rock now, but she simply couldn't.

Leaving a nearly soulless demon – the most powerful demon – with postpartum psychosis on her own with a newborn? Especially since she was – and it made total sense now with the information of her soul being transferred to Zelda – getting worse every time she was not around?

She felt guilty to the point she feared she might be sick and not even in a metaphorical way. So she rushed to the student's bathroom to avoid Lilith and locked herself in one of the cubicles. Zelda sat on the closed lid and buried her face in her palms, massaging above her eyebrows with her fingertips and enjoying the darkness behind her closed eyelids.

Then one hand reached for her belly attempting to do what Marie had done to check for Adam back then when Lilith had almost lost him. But of course, she could not do it, she was not a seer. There was nothing to be felt and yet knowing there was something, some preform of a baby, made her feel so... violated.

Being a mother was all she had ever wanted, but not for the life of her would she have thought it might actually happen – again. Nobody had asked her if she wanted to rebirth Lilith's soul, it had just been decided for her. The seed had been planted without her consent and it was too much of a resemblance to the things Faustus had put her though. Not quite the same but still a massive violation of her right of choice as a human being.

It opened a very old, almost ancient wound that dated way further back than her disastrous honeymoon. A prayer had been answered, a deal had been made, a gift had been sent followed by an unspeakable request not long after. And it had been her own unfaithfulness that had cost her everything.

What if this baby came with a price? One she had never agreed to pay? Long lost memories filled her head, making the comfortable darkness unbearable, so she opened her eyes again, rubbing her thighs to release some of the tension, but the tears were already stinging in her eyes, begging to be let out. Zelda hated it; she did not want to shed any more tears and yet it all hurt too much to not be brought to tears by it.

But she would not allow it, not now, not with all this responsibility, it was simply out of the question. She fumbled with the inner pocket of the blazer she had retrieve during her earlier escape and pulled out the little tin with trembling hands. Did she overuse it? Yes. There was not much left but enough to shut her out of everyone's pain for a while – particularly Lilith's, as well as her own.

~

Never had the ticking of a clock felt so dreadful, like a blunt threat. With every passing second, she could watch the child in her arms be sucked in by darkness, turned by his father's hand. Lucifer would make Adam despise her just like he had done with her. And then her little spark would be left with nothing; alone, dependent, miserable.