Shattered | Hermione x Draco

Unexpected Help

I can't remember what day it is or the time. Everything is dark and food appears at random. I can smell it when it appears, every once in a while I hear a bang as a bucket of water appears in the corner. I am constantly thirsty and want to dunk my head in it, but I can't. I have to ration it out. The first time a bucket appeared I drank it within hours and I had to wait very long before I got a new one. I have let go of my shame and once the bucket is empty I use it to relieve myself, I don't know when I am getting tortured again, but it will not happen again that I lose control.

I can't move very much and I am forced to either sit or lie down and curl into myself. The shackles bite in my skin more each day. If the wounds will ever heal, it sure will scar. The aching of the last torture is still leaving my body, the shaking of my hands and fingers has gone back to only spasming every once in a while. The headache never leaves.

The food is not much, mostly bread and porridge, but everytime I take a bite, it is the best one I ever had.

The dungeons are damp and cold. My body is sticky with dirt and blood. Maybe it is a new form of torture or they just forget about me, I don't know, but it works. I feel like I am losing my mind, I have nothing to do, I don't have magic or anything to keep myself from remembering everything that happened from the second the bedroom was flooded in light and I was yanked out of bed. Each time I wake up I repeat all the ingredients to the potions we learned, after that I go through the instructions to brew them. When the potions are all finished I start on Herbology. Naming a plant or flower with each letter of the alphabet. Trying to not repeat any in the next round until I don't know any names anymore. I swish my finger as if it is my wand to imitate the movements that belong to the learned spell. I always end with a lightning shape and the whisper of the Killing Curse on my lips.

I repeat all my classes in different orders to try and keep my mind sharp, and working. To distract myself from the pain in my mind and body.

This was not the Christmas holiday I imagined myself having. Maybe they are still celebrating the holiday above me and unwrapping all the presents they got him. I would have loved to see Draco open up my gift. I got him a new Muggle book; it is about wizards and witches, and mythical creatures. I thought it would be funny to see the comparison to how Muggles view us and how we really are. The last time I owled my mom I asked for more Apple Cinnamon cookies, because he likes them so much. I can even imagine the smell of the delicious cookies, my mouth waters. My mind flashes back to the many times that Draco just stole the cookie right out of my hand so he could have it. Often, I would just take a bite and give him the rest of the cookie. The ways his eyes would light up, was worth it.

I even fantasize about his gift for me, if he even got me one, but maybe it would also be a book. A special edition or something or a very unknown and unique book that only will be appreciated by real booklovers. Or a book about unique ways to use magic in everyday life.

I bought Harry a Broom Polishing Kit, knowing he will use it and appreciate the thought. Maybe Molly would have made me a sweater again, or maybe not if Ron told her lies about me.

The smile leaves my face when I think of the reality. Draco and I would never just sit around a Christmas tree together and exchange gifts, have family dinners and spend the days with friends. It is just something that would never work for us. We have been secretly seeing each other for months, I can admit that I have some feelings for him. Some very strong feelings, but I can't help him from inside a cage. It was a stupid mistake to come here, to agree to his idea to just spend a few days together without sneaking around. It was stupid to want to act like we were a normal couple.

The door on top of the stair creeks and a small beam of light shoots out. My eyes are stinging with the sudden intrusion, but within a few seconds it is dark again. I sigh and try to sit, but my body doesn't work anymore. Every inch of my body is bruised, wounded or stiff, or it is a combination of everything.