Catch Me When I Fall (Isla De Verde Series #2)

Chapter 34

Allow yourself to heal, to grieve and most importantly to grow. If we stay and be contented on where are we right now, how can we learn and explore new things?

Ever since then, I realized that life taught me how to be strong alone despite the crashing waves repeatedly attacking me just to let me down. It wasn't life who's being unfair, it was us. We're being hard to ourselves that we forget to enjoy each passing moments and to be happy.

Nanatili ang blangkong titig ko sa kisame. Nakasandal ako sa headbord ng kama at parang tangang nakatulala. It's been almost a week since we broke up that night. I can't stop crying like a baby. It's just so painful for me to even bear.

I'm not hurting because I can't lose Gabriel. It's just that I know that I'm at fault and to blame but I wanted to have a nice closure with him. Kahit man lamang sa ganoong paraan ay mabawasan ang bigat na nararamdaman ko. It kept me awake up at night for days.

Gabriel is an ideal man of every girl out there. He's smart, responsible and caring to me. Wala itong ibang ginawa kung hindi ang alagaan ako at manatili sa tabi ko kapag kailangan ko ng makakausap. He's nothing but nice to me ever since but I let him down. I hurt him to the core and I'm pretty sure that it did scarred him so much.

But thanks to him, I finally sorted out my feelings. Mabuti narin siguro iyong naghiwalay kami dahil kung hindi ay magpapatuloy ang sakitan naming dalawa. I don't want to hurt him even more because I knew better that I couldn't love him just how much he loves me.

Because up until now, there's only one person that I really love the most more than myself. But because of my foolishness, I pushed him away and now he's gone.

Naramdaman ko ang luhang dumaloy sa aking pisngi. Nagri-ring narin ang telepono ko ngunit hindi ko iyon kinuha dahil panigurado akong sila Sariah at Kaye iyon. I've been absent for days so I couldn't blame them for worrying over me.

Hindi rin naman kasi ako tumawag man lang o nag-text sa kanila kaya alam kong nag-aalala na ang dalawang iyon sa'kin. But I just can't really bring myself to do things. I feel so drain and I just wanted to stare at nowhere till the end of the day. Ganito nalang palagi ang routine ko simula noong gabing 'yon.

The memory of that night flashed on my mind again and I feel so vulnerable.

"Yana... Maghiwalay na tayo..."

Para akong biglang napako sa kinatatayuan ko at agad na sunod-sunod bumagsak ang mga luha ko. I was in awe because of what I've heard from him.

Did he just said that we should end our relationship now?

"Gabriel please..." I walked close to him but he stepped back that made me cry even more. He doesn't want me anymore. The guy who stayed even with my darkest days are so tired of me now.

"H-H'wag namang ganito, Gab..." I cried. "Akala k-ko ba mahal mo 'ko? Then why are you ending this now?"

He shook his head. He look so miserable and in pain. Mas lalong bumibigat ang nararamdaman ko habang pinagmamasdan ang nahihirapan niyang itsura. He's never like this. He never showed me how much pain he is bearing but now that I've got to finally see it, it's really breaking me big time.

"Y-Yes, I love you... Pero hindi sapat 'yong pagmamahal na 'yon para manatili tayong magkasama. Do you understand the situation now, Yana?"

"Our relationship is toxic positivity. Our intention are both pure but the way we spend it is toxic. How can I stay if I knew that you're confused of your feelings? What would be my role? Your comforter? A display that you'll use only when it's occasion?"