My last letter to you,
I knew the time would come when I would have to set you free from my grasp but god how I wish I could hold you forever. You are the first man I have ever fallen for. I mean sure, I have fallen in love before but you make them all seem like such boys. I love that we can have intellectual conversations, I love when you ramble on about your favorite subjects even if you lose me in some topics, and I love that we can have passionate conversations where we know what we're feeling but we don't have to bluntly say it. But when we are blunt I think I love it even more because I know you mean everything that comes out of your mouth when you say it and you accept all me - flaws and all - with wide, open arms that make me feel like I have no flaws or baggage at all. God I wish I could hold you forever.
I know that you love me and you know that I love you but neither of it is enough for us to be anything but close friends. I knew since I met you that you had a girl you were completely in love with, in fact so in love you didn't see anyone else but her, and now she is your girlfriend. I'm jealous but at the same time I'm happy. I'm jealous that you were so blind to everything but her - you're easy to tempt but it never turns into anything - and I'm jealous that she managed to steal your heart in a way that I never could but I'm happy that you finally got what you have so long wanted and I'm happy your relationship is nothing but good. That girl is one extremely lucky girl, and I hope she realizes it as much as I do.
I know you're in a wonderful relationship that you want to stay in and I know you guys are solid; I mean of course you are after knowing each other for over seven years. What did I think I was getting into? I guess this is the way things were meant to be. I know deep down that it's time to let you go but even though I will you better not think that I have stopped loving you because even if I tried it would be impossible. I'll miss those silly conversations with you about things we want to do together and the hugs that meant so much but in the end they were just dreams that we could imagine but never really have. It won't be the same without running to you every day for countless hours to talk about everything and nothing but I just want you to be happy. I don't want to get in the way anymore. Sure, we'll say our hellos, how are yous, and goodbyes but that's all and I know it won't be the same; I already started feeling it when you stopped hugging me like you did before.
Oh how much I'll miss you
