People ask me how I simply cannot get over him. But he's not just one whole entity, one simple thing that I just really like. He's... a million things at once. All bundled up into... him. Beautiful him.
I don't just like him, I like his laugh. I like his cute hair and his cute smile and I like the adorable way he looks over his glasses. I like how gentle his voice gets at times and how goofy it gets at others. I like everything about him, from the way he pronounces my name to the way he wears goofy little graphic tees that'll raise an eyebrow once in a while, and I like how when he laughs, it'll fill up the room with joy and my heart with love. I like everything about him, and if I ever stop liking something about him, I will still have dozens of other quirks and details to admire about his amazing, awe inspiring being. I can't simply stop liking him, because then I'd have to stop liking a million things at once.
♡
I keep having this dream about this man.
I can never remember his face.
Just this memory imprinted of strong arms around me.
In my most recent dream, I'm running from him scared.
I break his heart and take off. Like I do in real life with most guys.
But he chased me. Through cities and the ends of the Earth.
Through hospital corridors and across wicked traintracks.
Finally, on the other side of the train, where I thought I was alone and safe,
He grabbed my arm and spun me towards him.
He cupped my face, his warm, rough hands grazing my cheeks.
"It's too late," he says.
And I nod, tears welling. Because I knew. Running would do me no good. It's too late because he's already infected me. He was in my veins. And no matter how much I ran, he was always gonna be there.
The tears spill over to my flushed cheeks and onto his tanned hands. As I move closer to him, he folds me into his arms. One hand cupping the back of my head, the other supporting my back.
Reluctently, I slide my arms around him, holding on for dear life.
And I cry. hard.
And then I wake up.
And I think that's what love is. When you finally stop running away from everything. When you find someone who will chase you down to be with you. And when you finally find someone to run to. It's the solidity of arms wrapped around you and the comfort of shared tears. I've never felt more loved or more like home than in those arms and he doesn't even exist.
