We were hanging out together in my dorm on a Thursday evening after we had both just finished our last mid-term before spring break.
We had been sitting on the floor in front of the tiny refrigerator, eating berry-cardamom gelato out of the container and sharing a Caprisun and laughing about nothing until your brilliant brown eyes settled on the bottom shelf of my cupboards.
"What's this? Is this what I think it is?" You asked, pulling out my old Nintendo 64 and the bin overflowing with 90's video games with horrible graphics.
After digging through them for a moment, you pulled out a golden game with a devilish grin on your face. "Oooh. You don't possibly think you could beat the Pokemon master, do you?" You were waving the original Pokemon Stadium game before my eyes, trying to bait me with your teasing.
"Hmm . . . " I hesitated with a smile, briefly considering the offer, but you chuckled before I could say anything.
"Oh, don't worry. I get it. You just wouldn't be able to bear losing." You were smirking at me, as per usual, but there was a certain softness in your gaze.
At this, I couldn't help but let out a "HA!" and retort, "Oh, that's not it at all. I just really don't want to have to see you cry when I win."
Oh, if you could've seen the look on your face. Within moments, the game had been popped in to the console and an intense battle was underway. We kept up a casual banter until you said:
"We didn't talk about the stakes."
"Stakes? Are there stakes?"
"Of course! There are always stakes. Now, what do you want if you win?"
"Uh . . . " I let my eyes search the room while I contemplated this. "Fine. If I win, you have to buy me dinner . . . wearing that hat," I said, nodding towards a knit pikachu hat in the corner.
"Hmm. Challenge accepted." I could only assume another unseen smirk came with this statement.
"And if you win?"
"And if I win . . . well, I guess you'll have to wait and see about that."
After fifteen more minutes of epic battling, I finally, barely came out on top. I grabbed the hat and returned to where you were sitting on the floor, kneeling in front of you and pulling the pikachu hat down over your eyes. "Perfect." And you were.
You were quiet for a moment, but I swear I saw a flash of deviance in your eyes just as you grabbed me by the waist, pulled me up to your level . . .
And kissed me. The most wonderful, heart-racing, not-pulling-away-until-I-was-dizzy-and-neither-of-us-could-breathe type of kiss.
And then, I was stunned. Lying next to you with your arms around my waist and your lips on my forehead, my mind hadn't caught up with what was happening.
So I untangled our bodies and sat up, breathlessly asking, "What was that for?"
And you, you sat up next to me and flashed a beautiful half smile. "The stakes were that if I won, I would get to kiss you."
"You definitely didn't win."
You were quiet for so long that I thought you were never going to respond. But just when I had become wracked with the fear that I had offended you, that you thought I wasn't okay with the kiss when in reality, it was all I had wanted for months, you said without ever meeting my eyes -
"Maybe not. But when I kissed you, you kissed me back. And isn't that winning enough?"
"What are you afraid of?" There he was, inches from my face. His eyes flickered from my eyes to my lips and back. In one second I could feel years pass. Memories engraved in my life like knives to a lover's willow tree by each second passing. I felt my heart skip a beat and realized once again I was holding my breath. "Breathe," he smiled, caressing my face. There it was again, that smile. It went from carefree and eased to serious and longing. Looking into my eyes and leaning in towards me he whispered cautiously, "Please, let me kiss you."
I couldn't help but think like it was all going too fast. Here was my best friend, saying "I love you." And I hated admitting to myself that I wanted him back.
But I kissed him. And nothing ever felt so right.
"Holy shit," he paused his breathing heavy. I smiled as his face said it all. He had been waiting a long time. "I always wondered what that would feel like." I grinned but I didn't say a word. I just kissed him again.
♡
she has passion. you can see it glimmer in her eyes and in her expressions. she walks as if she has a purpose. she has an attitude problem. and damn she is mysterious.
everyone wants to know her, to get a piece of this beautiful creature. everyone wants to know what goes on inside of her head because she is her and she is different than everyone else.
she has a recklessness about herself. she just does not care.
sometimes, i see her walk and she wears this mischievous smirk on her face, and her light brown eyes sparkle. i can always tell she is up to no good.
she always has a part of her hidden away, and when she thinks no one is looking, she puts her guard down for a short period of time. in these seconds, i can see the real her. she is broken. she is hurt. she is real. she is not perfect. but it makes her even more perfect.
she belongs to no one, not even me. she is a creature that cannot be tamed. cannot be caught. she must be free at all times.
she told me once, "baby. i can't do a relationship or commitment. i get bored. i have to roam. i have to travel to different places and be an entirely different person whenever need be and i cannot do that if i am tied down."
i thought it was selfish of her to say those words. i thought to myself "how dare she."
but i get it.
she's this majestic human. she's unique and flawed. she's beautiful and tragic. she's love and lust combined into one person. she's charming and bitter.
there isn't one person i know of who has gotten to know her and who isn't intriqued by her. everywhere she goes she leaves a wake of people. some so hurt that they can barely function. some so infatuated that they believe they have a chance. and then there's me, and i'm just a changed man.
