You know what the worst thing is about losing someone? It's not the day after where you're crying into your pillow, or the stabbing you feel in your gut when you hear someone say their name.
No, it's a few weeks, months, or years, down the road - you can never tell, when you're completely over them. It's one of those days in the future when you realise how completely and absolutey you've forgotten them. You forgot their habits, you forgot what their face looked like, you forgot the baritone of their voice, when some time ago these things were as close to your heart as your own name.
But even worse than that, is the moment you realise you also forgot all the memories. All the truly good things they did to you, all the times they made you smile. You forget how special they made you feel, how despite all the wrongs of the last days, they were once perfect, kind, and loving towards you. You can't remember how they comforted you when you cried, you don't remember the time they offered to drive you home, you don't remember the little things that made you swell up and soar a thousand feet high.
All that's left of them is a hazy name, and the pain of the ending, even though that soon fades as well. Then what is left? Nothing. Almost as if the person didn't exist, and your paths didn't cross, and they never loved you and took care of you.
And I think that's so unfair. So that's why I've made a journal, consisting of all our memories, all the good things you've done to me, so I'll never forget. I want to always remember how you loved me, how we did share better days and wide smiles and at one point in both our lives, we were together, and we were happy.
I don't know what happens in the future, but I do hope we never end. And even if we do, the only thing I'm sure of, is that you don't deserve to be forgotten.
