He's in the Rain

you and me : special chapter

I miss you.

Yeonjun breathed deeply, feeling the warm air on his skin. He sat down on a porch swing in the veranda of the new house he's living in. A wonderful sight of the sky and the mountains is displayed from the veranda. Now, this is healing.

I really do miss you. And even if I'm too far away, I still miss you.

And it hurts, but it is what it is. I can never stop you from doing anything, especially if that thing will make you receive the felicity you deserve.

I'm no longer beside you, love. Five years were hell for you because of that, and I'm truly sorry. I knew life and fate really played with us. Or maybe not. Maybe I was just too foolish to think that everything's going to be alright between us. Maybe I was too much of a coward, scared to let you but in the end, I still did.

And if you already did, I'm proud of you.

"You deserve this, brother."

Yeonjun smiled as he read the text message his little sister sent last night. There were a lot, to be honest, which came from different people but he wasn't checking those.

Whatever the reason, keep smiling, love. Always.

And like he heard it, Yeonjun smiled even more.

That smile made me feel even worse, but if it is what you deserve in this cruel and harsh world, I'll let you be. I'll let you go, truly. Because as they say, love is more than just the butterflies it brings into your stomach, the redness of the cheeks, the number of smiles your lips form into just by thinking of your lover's presence, and the I love you's said to each other. Love is an art. Art of pain, forgiveness, regret, and letting go.

That is why I have to let you go, for sure. And I hope you already did. Again, it's what's best for you.

"Love, are you there? Can you hear me?"

Yeonjun chuckled to himself as the memories behind that endearment came dancing along with the wind. It was an etched memory for me and maybe for you, too. It was a nostalgia worth remembering, but I hope you forget the pain behind it. Put it to an end. You will start again.

"Five years had passed in a blink of an eye. I almost lost track of time because it didn't really matter for me." Yeonjun sighed, "Or maybe I was just too locked inside the memory of you, of us."

It hurts to unlock it and let you be free, but it's also not. Mind-wrecking, yeah? I'm just hurt, but I'm happy for you too. No matter what.

Don't mind me. Prioritize yourself.

"In those five years, a lot of things happened. Bad and... great, I guess? It depends on how you see each situation."

I know it all. I really do. From the smallest details to the significant parts. I know everything, but if you wish to tell me stories then go. I'd like to hear it from you.

"Remember those two lovers? Beomgyu and Taehyun. Of course, you wouldn't dare to forget them or else." Yeonjun chuckled. But in just a second, a small smile from his lips faded. "Well, they're not together anymore."

I know, it hurts to see them break up. I've witnessed their story, too. I guess this world isn't really worth of their love. Like us, Yeonjun.

"I feel so sorry for them. I don't even know how to find the right words to say." In just minutes of talking, Yeonjun was in tears as he stared at the magnificent view shown before him. "Is it because I, too, was happy about their relationship and wished for them to come strong?"

Don't say it. Please don't say it, love...

"Or was it because I was the weed in their world full of beautiful flowers?"

You're never to be described as that. You are just that one certain flower that needed more sunlight. And the source of light, well...

"Am I at fault?"

No, love. It was a mutual decision.

"If I am, then I apologize for falling in love."

Today was supposed to be a day full of smiles. And if there are tears, it should be a result of joy. But here is the love of my life breaking into tears, eyes near to swelling, running out of breath. You don't need to cry, love.

"Ah, I should stop crying. He'll see me," Yeonjun whispered as he quickly wiped his eyes with his hands to remove these tears and its stain on his cheeks.

"I'm sorry, love." He took a deep breath. "No. I'm sorry, Soobin."

That isn't necessary. There's nothing wrong with falling in love again, Yeonjun. You just deserve someone to love and to love you.

It hurts, I couldn't deny that. It hurts that you've already found that one person who you'll grow old with, wake up and sleep beside him, and make memories for the rest of your life with. And it hurts even more that you're spending your lifetime with someone close to my heart.

"Love," And he calls you similar to how I call you. "Why are you crying?"

"It's nothing. I'm just really... happy," Yeonjun assured him. He placed his head on his new lover's shoulder, looking at each other.

I don't really care if you still remember how I made you feel or not. Let him be the one you'll lean on to, the light to your gloomy days, the new bright star that you love the most.

He's someone very reliable. And if anything, I'm glad you ended up loving him. I used to consider him as our bridge, leading us to one similar path for us to share love. I take that back, Yeonjun. At this point, I was that bridge that lead you to him.

Maybe me passing away isn't such a bad thing after all. Kidding. How I wish I was him. That should've been me, though. I want to be with you more, love. But, I can't. You entrusted your heart to somebody else.

To his new lover, thank you.

Thank you for staying beside him even during the times he isn't hurting. Thank you for choosing him. I hope you'll remain until the last. Thank you for accepting Yeonjun for the way he really is. Thank you for making him decide to love again. Thank you for not promising anything to him, but assured him that he isn't wrong for choosing you.

Take care of him. I love that man.

To Yeonjun, what a wonderful story.

Thank you for making me experience a love like that. It wasn't the best, but it made me want to love more. If only there's someone like you beside me now. It's fine to forget about me, just live the life you deserve. With him. This is the last time I will say this. It feels illegal to call you love once more now that you're married.

Cheers to you and your lover.

Love each other today and beyond.

Best wishes,

Yeonjun and Beomgyu.

Above the clouds,
Choi Soobin.