Cheater (Complete)

Chapter Seven: A Half Fisted Hand

Rosalinda's POV

(Memory Continued)

Dean didn't so much as look in my direction after that. He still had a girl on his arm every day and the rumors about his latest conquest were still circling around as if he were a celebrity. I know that I didn't even expect him to kiss me that day and that I had originally planned to never even talk to him again but I grew to hate him more and more as the time passed. It had only been week. But it had felt like an eternity. Why did I hate him? Simply because he had kissed me with so much passion. Simply because I ached to have him in my arms, by my side, and he belonged to any other woman but me. I hated this feeling.

In English, I couldn't help my looks of hurt resentment and I couldn't help but caress him with my eyes. In the hall, I fantasied about him declaring his everlasting love for me in front of the entire school. How stupid was I? I wanted what all girls wanted. I wanted something I couldn't have.

My life sucked so much.

Meanwhile, Jesse was growing closer to both Matt and his mother. I knew I wouldn't even have the chance to share her but it still hurt like a knife to the heart whenever I see her turn me away in favor of her son. I knew it would happen, knew it as well as I knew my own name. How could it not happen? Jesse was her son. Who was I? Someone who fed her need to be a mother while her son turned her away. I grew more resentful to everybody with every passing minute.

I walked to the house now. Along with my increased hatred/love for Dean, I grew old fashioned hate for Shannon. She had been in his arms. She knew how it felt to be loved by him and I despised her for it. It hurt to know that the emotions this boy caused had basically ruined me. It hurt even more to know that I was really the one who was letting it get to me.

I slammed my locker open, cursing at the world, knowing that it was me against everybody and that I would soon need to find my own way. I was unwanted in Jesse's home. I needed to go somewhere else, hopefully where I would find everything I've ever really wanted: someone to love me. I would have to run away again and I loathed both the fact and the hope I'd had that Jesse's home would become mine. I needed to depend on myself. I needed to trust in no one because they only hurt me. I needed to prove to everyone that I was more than they made me out to be. I needed to prove I was worth something, that I wasn't as worthless as I felt. How could things always be a perpetual rainstorm? When would I see the sunshine? I felt the warning sting before I felt the warmth slide slowly down my cheeks. I made a defeated sound and slid down to the ground. I had thought I found the sun and I had found it while kissing Dean. He was my sunshine and my rainstorm. He was my cure and my disease. He had the answers but he held my heart in a half fisted hand. It would never work out. I was too vulnerable to him and he plain didn't care.

“I tried” the sudden noise instantly dried my tears. I could feel my face harden, could feel the ice in my veins form.

“What do you want?” I said coldly, getting up and facing Dean with all the courage of a warrior. He looked nervous, he hadn't shaved in a couple days and he needed more sleep cause he looked very tired. Instant concern born of love made me want to nurse him but I beat it back ruthlessly.

“I tried to stop thinking about you. I've done everything I could to get rid of my obsession with you. I tried to leave you alone and go back to how I was but you destroyed that with that tiny little kiss you gave me. I can't try anymore. I need you” he said desperately. I blinked, shocked. Than I recovered my senses and remembered that life, and people, were cruel. This could be a ploy. I gave him my best evil glare and turned back to my locker, trying not to cry again. I wanted to believe him but how could I? I was the girl no guy would come within three feet of. I was the one who never got asked out. I was the one who was so undesirable that I was probably going to die a virgin. I had the worst luck in the world. Why would I suddenly get lucky and have the school player have a genuine interest in me? It wasn't possible.