Cheater (Complete)

Chapter Forty-Two: Being a Coward

Memory Continued

Dean's POV

I knew I was being a jerk. I knew I was. But I couldn't help it. I was just So. Damn. Horny. It was as simple as that. I haven't been touched since I set my eyes on Rosie and I couldn't stand it. I used to have at least one girl a week. That was a big difference to now, where I had stopped having sex cold turkey. It was hard! And she didn't understand.

Every time we were 'intimate', it was for her pleasure, not mine. I wasn't the one being pushed to screaming orgasms. No, I was the one giving them. And I was always left with a raging boner. It wasn't fair.

At first it made sense. It was worth it. Rosie was still unsure, she was a virgin, and I wanted her so badly that I'd do anything to have her. Of course I wouldn't ask her to touch me, to bring me pleasure too. It would only scare her off.

But now I had her. She was mine. I moved to bloody Chicago for her, for God's sake!

The stupid temperature was all over the place, it was either very hot or very cold. And the buildings all looked the same. I didn't love it like she did.

I wasn't the one going to college. My grades weren't good enough for scholarships and we didn't have money for even a couple online courses. Nothing. So why did I move all the way out here where I didn't fit in? When there was no reason for my being here?

Because I loved her, what else?

But I wanted to be with her too. Sex wasn't just about pleasure. With the right girl, it was also a connection that defied the physical act.

And for gods sake, I haven't had sex in months. Months! Around her, I was almost always painfully hard. It was a miracle that I lasted this long.

Honestly, why was she being so uptight about this? I knew that she at least cared about me. She had to. She asked me to move in with her, after all.

So what was holding her back?

I sighed, warm water pouring around me. I needed to calm down and I never believed in cold showers. It just left me shivering and numb with a stubborn erection. I had my heavy cast hanging out of the tub and I simply sat in tub, letting the shower bathe me while I sat. I couldn't stand up in here, not with the cast, so I just sat there. I thought about jerking off but really, it wouldn't help anything. Lately, not even that release helped. I just needed her.

And nothing else could satisfy that need.

I loved hearing her little screams of pleasure. I loved her taste. I loved that jerking motion she made when she came against me. It was intoxicating. But I wanted to be able to hold her afterwards, make love to her and hear those screams become louder, more desperate as the sensations increased. I wanted to share in her ecstasy. It was natural to want that. I wasn't out of place.

And oh, it would be so good. She was tight and always so wet for me. Her body was warm and lush with curves I ached to hold while I was deep inside her. I shuddered just thinking about it.

This wasn't helping me with my aroused problem.

This shower really isn't helping at all, actually.

What would, really? At this point, I was ready to explode.

“Dean?” her voice was soft, hesitant. I groaned to myself.

I didn't want to force her. Honestly, I didn't. I didn't mean to come off like that nor did I intend to try for sex this morning. I just got carried away and the raging hormones, the celibacy, took care of the rest.