bad expectations | jfg

45

"Will this be awkward?" Jack J leans down to whisper in my ear, quietly and carefully.

"Most likely." I whine.

Me and Jack had planned to go to the zoo for months. It was just an idea that we always had and talked about over the phone but we never thought we'd get to it, but today we decided that this was our chance to go, except now we had the interruption of Jack Gilinsky. Jack said we could leave him at home, but something in me said that it was childish and unnecessary.

If I were to have told Jack J to not bring Jack G, wouldn't it only show that I can't handle being in the same place as him? I'm just not immature like that. I mean, it doesn't have to be weird with us. Actually, I think it might have been rather fun if he hadn't come to my apartment and said all those things to me, but, we'll never know how this will go down if he didn't.

"I'm standing right here." Jack G huffs. I stand straight and stop whispering. "I know you wish I was, but I'm not deaf." He mostly tells Johnson, not me.

As we walk up to the concession stand, I feel at ease. I don't think I'll have to worry about talking too much to Johnson or anything. Something tells me that this will unravel good, I never have that feeling.

"Okay. Well, I'm getting cotton candy because," Jack J pauses, "because I fucking want to. What do you want?" He turns to me while he fights to smile at his own words.

I laugh, "how about a diet coke and," I look over the options and my eyes land on a funnel cake that's literally five feet away from me. God. That looks so good, it's drizzled with glaze and sprinkled with powder. I practically drool at the sight of it. "A diet coke. A diet coke." I nod and lick my lips.

I shake my eyes off the damn fatty food and pull out my small wallet that's shoved into the pocket of my sweatshirt.

"No, I got it." Johnson says, waving his hand towards my gesture, signaling me to put the money away.

"No, it's fine."

"No, I got it."

"Jesus Christ, you guys are like the same person. I'll just fucking pay." Jack G groans and steps in front of both of us. My shoulders shrink and Johnson's eyes roll.

"I'll have that funnel cake." Gilinsky says.

Dammit.

After we get our food, we begin to walk to the first sign we see, 'Lion Exhibit."

"The lions are the coolest animal because they rule everything." Johnson informs us in a confident manner, obviously showing off his knowledge on one of many things.

"No, the sharks do." Jack goes against Jack. I look over and watch him slowly peel a piece of the funnel cake off. That damn funnel cake.

"Bro, the sharks can't even walk on land. I bet a lion could swim."

"Fuck that! He's a cat, cats hate getting wet."

Johnson breathes a small laugh, and once it's heard, both boys burst into hysterical laughter.

Honestly, they're both adults now and they still laugh just because 'cat' has another name. But at the same time, it makes a simper tug at my lips. They both are funny.

______

I hate myself. You know why? Because I can't help but ignore the fact that my heart goes at a different speed when Jack Gilinsky throws his head back and squints his eyes in hysterical laughter.

I roll my eyes and sip my drink. Why can't he be ugly? I bet my life would be a lot simpler. 

I shake my head and look at my feet, that's such a stupid thing to think about. We're just hanging out. And even though that is really weird, we are. And it should be normal and mature.