bad expectations | jfg

14

Jack looks at me, very watchful, watching how my facial expression stays the same.

"Listen," he starts, "I know Jack better than anyone else. I know why he's the way he is, I know things you wouldn't know, Sammy wouldn't know, and obviously his family wouldn't know."

I keep my eyes on the path in front of me, taking in every word he says.

"When Jack got paired up to tutor with you, he came home everyday pissed off. Not like he didn't before, but he was plain pissed. He would tell us how you were such a bitch, how he couldn't believe he had to be near you for so long,"

His words hurt my head. Wow, this is getting off to a great start.

"But he would talk about you all the time, sure, It wasn't good stuff, but you were his favorite subject. I don't know, he just, liked getting his anger out by speaking about you. After awhile, when you started hanging out with us more, he felt like he still needed to hate you, so he acted like it, but he knew he didn't really."

"Why?" I speak and he looks up at me, "why did he feel that way towards me?" I continue

He licks his lips before speaking again, "something about you attracted him in a stronger way than girls usually attract him, and he hated that. He wasn't used to feeling any way with girls, he was used to grabbing them, fucking them, then grabbing a new one." He pauses, looking at me, making sure I'm still listening.

"So he wanted you, he admitted to that, he only told me though." He takes a deep breath, I know he's about to say something I don't want to hear.

"He thought that if he fucked you once he would be done, like the other girls. When someone spilled you were a virgin, Jack felt guilty, Jack Gilinsky felt guilty about taking your virginity." He repeats. I continue to stare at the ground with my arms crossed over my chest.

"So he just, got you in bed, he did things with you, and then afterwards, he knew he didn't want anyone else." His words make my heart leap but then crash back down. Then why would ever do things with someone else?

"But he hated that. He hated knowing that you were his only one, but at the same time he loved it. His mind wanted to be known as that badass, he wanted take sure he was known for messing around with girls. But after your guys' night, it's like, his heart wanted to stay with you. I know it's cheesy as hell but I can't think of a better way to put it."

He looks at me, "he doesn't like the way he feels about you, he doesn't want to forget about you but he thinks he has to." He shakes his head, "I don't know how to say it."

So Jack had felt something that I had felt when we kissed and did things, but at the same time, he didn't want to feel it. His plan was to do things with me, hoping that would "quench his thirst" towards me, but when it didn't, he didn't know how react. So he tried to do something with Grace, and now he didn't something with a random girl I don't even know.

This doesn't make me feel different towards him, I am not going back to him, I can't. I can't keep doing this silly cycle, it exhausts me and I don't need it in my life.

I look at Jack and he looks at me, "I'm sorry, I know this isn't exactly what you wanted to hear. But I knew you wanted to know everything, and about what Jack had said-"

"I know." I cut him off, "he said that because he thought it would make me go back to him, you don't have to tell me twice that he lied." I snap, then sigh, "sorry I-"

"Don't apologize, I get that you're frustrated." He says, very calm. People like Jack J just make me feel better. His chill personality is very contagious, it just doesn't help much with my mood.