bad expectations | jfg

58

My eyes widen and my shoulders tense, he doesn't move and I don't push at his chest. After three seconds, he pulls away with wide eyes. He slowly puts his hand over his mouth and squeezes his eyes shut, "I'm sorry." He breathes. Seconds later he shakes his head and furiously rakes his hands through his hair.

My shoulders are still tense but I can immediately tell that he didn't intend on doing that. "It's fine-"

"No, it's not." He crosses his arms and rests them on his knees before burying his forehead into them, "fuck. I didn't mean- I'm so sorry." His voice is muffled and he taps his foot against the floor in frustration.

I put my hand on his back again and scratch it. It was just an in the moment type thing and now he most likely wants to die because of it.

"Jack's going to hate me." He cries immediately after he speaks, coming to his own realization.

"No he won't. You didn't mean it, right?" I raise my eyebrows.

He shakes his head fast and picks it up from his lap, "of course not. No. I don't know why- You were just here and you said- I don't know but I don't, I'm sorry. You probably hate me. I'm just upset and I don't know what to with myself."

I can tell by the way he's speaking fast that he's nervous. He's literally feeling every negative emotion right now and I hate it. I hate that he's sad because he's my only friend, and I hate that he kissed me and I hate that his eyes are glossy and I hate that my boyfriend who has been so good to me would be furious because of this.

"I could never hate you. Neither could Jack, I won't tell him." I squeeze his shoulder and he shakes his head again.

"You have to. I can't live with myself if you don't. No, I will. I'll tell him."

My eyes widen, "no. Are you crazy?" I speak slowly.

"Yeah." He simply says. My eyes change into pity as he sniffs hard.

"You can't tell him that. He'll hate me."

He turns his head and glares at me through his soaked eyes. "Shut up. He wouldn't hate you, he loves you more than I've seen anyone love anything. It's insane, but that's just why he would hate me." He brings both of his hands up to his hair and grips into it roughly.

I bite my bottom lip as I watch him become more and more frustrated and upset with himself. "My dad just, and you- Jack not going to even care about my dad after this. I'm sorry I-"

"Jack, it lasted five seconds. It's not a big deal-"

"But it is!" He raises his voice as he picks his head up to look at me, "it is. Im stupid as shit and it doesn't matter if we had sex or had our lips brush because both of those are on the exact same level for him and you know it." His bottom lip quivers and his voice is all a weak croak.

I know he's right. But the way he's assuming and talking is so fast that it doesn't feel like the kiss happened less than a minute and a half ago, his mind is too quick for me to keep up. And he's always right.

He squeezes his eyes shut again and I take into note that that's another furious habit he has, but when he cries. He brings his hand to my knee that's covered in my old sweatpants and squeezes it lightly, just to release some stress. "You can't come back home."

"I'm going to."

"You can't. It'd make everything a mess."

"You don't have to tell him-"

"You know I do. He's my best friend and I can't lie or keep anything from him, especially something like this." He says.

My shoulders fall and I look down at his hand, the veins in his hand popping up, just to pop down again.

"I want to go, I haven't been home in a long time and it's a chance to see your dad."

"I know you just want to go to see the other Jack." He removes his hand to rub both of his eyes.

My eyebrows pull together, "what's wrong with you? I would never-"

"There's a lot of shit wrong with me. As you can fucking see." He sobs and my heart splits further. I hate seeing him like this.

I raise my arm to put it on the backs of his shoulders before pushing my cheek on his upper arm. It seems as if he hates himself at the moment but I can't say that for him, he's just upset and I feel awful.

"How about you go a week and I'll go the next?" My voice is a little uneven due to my cheek resting on his shoulder.

"Why would that make any difference." He states more than questions,

"If you told Jack what you needed to, with the facts of 'I didn't mean it' 'it was in the moment' 'I was sad.' I know he'd be over it in a week. I would never make the decision to go all the way back home for the first time in a year solely to see Jack again, I don't know why you would think that."

He nods slowly after a few moments before rubbing his hands together and blinking slowly while his mouth hangs open in laziness. "Maybe." He says, "you, Sam and Jack are my only friends. And the other two aren't really up for me crying on their shoulder." He lightly looks over at me.

A smile tugs at my lips and I go over what it would be like. I don't know how long his dad has had cancer but it must be before they told Jack. He must have found out a week ago and then didn't tell me and that's why he's been so different, he just broke down. I don't think, if I went to Omaha for a week, that Jack's dad would die or anything drastic. But Jack would cry, a lot. And if he wants to be able to count on me to be there, then I'll be there.

____

This was so fucking short. Like the shortest I've ever made anything.

But yes, Jack didn't mean anything by the kiss. Stuff like that happens all the time with friends. Well, at least in my life.

He doesn't love her or anything and no he isn't gay lmao.

By the way, Taylor's name in Jack's phone is Taylor Gayson bc he's an idiot and thinks he's funny or something. Her real last name is obviously Greyson.