hi

i might be gone soon

i cant live this life anymore its just so stressful. i was doing great, ignoring my old bestfriend and acting like ive never even been her friend. but now i cant stop thinking about her bc my friend told me my guybestfriend is crushing on her. im just so angyr and sad i knew he always is chasing her and now he genuinely  is trying to catch her. i just am so mad bc what if she turns him against me i know she hates me.

i dont know what i did wrong 

i always ask him if he has soccer practice so i can see if ill be able to wait for him at his bus stop and he gives me attitude. idc what i'll need to do to get him to know i genuinely care about him. ill buy him a drink for practice, ill go to his games,

it just hurts so much

ive cried so much bc of him and my old bestfriend, 

i just wanna be gone already.

i did have a future i wanted to chase after. 

i wanted to become a writer, or movie writer? or maybe even a movie actor. I wanted to adopt a baby. i wanted to have a life. 

but.

idk

its all too much for me.