hi

😇

i love and hate my life. I love my wonderful friends but then sometimes idk what happens i just completely switch and change, the person i am completely changes. i dont know whats wrong with me but im trying to be better with my friends because i need to remind myself how bad it can be with no support at all and my friends and family are the only people pulling me through this life other than that i'd be fucking dead. And maybe i wont make it past 16 but at least i lived. not in the most healthiest way, i take drugs, get drunk, talk to older men, already got sa'd twice but i just sink that all down. Because i have fun. yes at the end of the night i feel like im fucking dying and the truth unravels and suddenly im thinking about how fake my life is. I use all this shit to try and forget what has happened to me. I know im not mentally well but sometimes theres times where I want help and then sometimes where i dont want help at all where its too late because i already want to die. thats why i dont care about what i do. whether i pass school or not, all the bad shit that happens to me. I havent spoken about the second time ive gotten sa'd because idk im ashamed, they say you shouldnt be ashamed because it wasnt your fault but it was my fault. I threw myself onto this guy and let him get a little physical with me only because i thought that was the only way id get him to like me but it was not necessary and hes not worth it, so with that info he thought it was ok to touch another part of me but it wasnt but at the same time it was my fault, i threw myself at him and he took his chances just like any other boy would do. I regret it and i feel so disgusted every time i think about it, which is why i cant bare to speak about it, i just cant, because of how disgusted i am. I was the whore, i wanted him to touch me but when he did it felt awful. and i feel terrible because i havent spoken up because its someone i care about and he himself probably doesnt even know what he did wrong. He's been there for me since day 1 but this just wasnt his fault and i feel so guilty ever time i consider him sexually assaulting me.
Im just never going to speak about it because he doesnt deserve to be mistreated, he didnt know how big of a thing he was doing was. It wasnt his fault he was just a little boy and i dont want him being seen as a villain.
but other than being suicidal and drowning my problems with more unhealthy shit. im doing fine ig .

im throwing my shoots to a lot more guys because, im moving and imma die young so. 🤷🏻‍♀️ thats it 4 me

2/3/23
kg.