hi

killingms

I WOULDNT SAY I LOVE THAT BOY. but i have really strong feelings for him and i cant control them it has me sobbing, i just want him to be mine. 😭😭😭 i want to hug him, run my fingers through his fake ass perm ass hair, i wanna bully him, i want him to piggyback ride me, i wanna laugh with him, i wanna kiss his cheek, i want to kiss him. It's not fair.
i tell myself and try to convince myself that he might have feelings for me but then i really try to be realistic. The age gap. I put it in my point of view and it looks so badddd. If a girl a year younger than me suddenly caught feelings for a boy a year older than me I'd find it a bit weird. But that's exactly what im doing and it has me sobbing. Like what if he likes other girls, am I really just a child to him? ITS SO CONFUSING AND HURTFUL. I do my brujeria and shit all the fucking time i see videos that remind me of him and all that makes my mind believe but then again. What if I don't even matter. If i were to suddenly die would he care 💀? I mean i dont expect him to start sobbing and fall on his knees. 💀💀💀 but like would he think about me.
HE KNOWS LITTLE DETAILS ABOUT ME AND KNOWS MY NAME AND IF HE REALLY ACTUALLY CARES HE WOULD TELL HIS BROTHER . i dont think he knows my last name unless he's looked at me on the year book. WHICH IS EMBARRASSING I LOOKED SO BAD ON LAST YEARS YEAR BOOK. but back to him knowing little details about me. Okay.

Throwbacks to when I had black hair, he asked my friend. "Hey your friends with the girl who has black hair its kinda short and shes kinda tall?" OH MY GOD. he's looked at me long enough to know those details. 😭😭 meanwhile i know almost everything about him.

ugggghghhh and not only that but last week he literally smiled at me. he had a game home that day and i was walking up the stairs with my friends and my guy friend max made it so fucking awkward like always 😭 and said some shit like "just passing through we're chilling here" in his stupid ass little dumb voice and i was right next to vince when max said that and i heard him chuckle and he said ALRIGHT. RIGHT INTO MY EAR BC I WAS STANDING RIGHT NEXT TO HIM.
AND THEN.
my other friend mariyam was behind me so she could see everything i wasnt looking at, so she saw that as i walked past him he turned around to look at me and he smiled when he turned back. 😭😭😭😭 I JUST DONT UNDERSTAND. like why would u ask about me why would you smile at me WHY DO I CATCH U STARING. is it all in my imagination or am i just overthinking that shit 💀💀 and last year on the last day i pasted by him and his friends and then I felt them all staring so i got nervous and pushed my friend max and then he pushed me harder and they saw and they started yelling "oh personally i wouldnt let that slide" AND HE YELLED IT I SAW THE MF FROM THE CORNER OF MY EYE. and then i smacked his head and then they were saying to beat his ass and then once we got inside me and him started screaming cuz omg homeboy fr knew i liked him for MONTHS. and then he was suddenly talking. AND HE KNOWS I BEAT MAXS ASS. Last week he tried pushing me into vince but i held my ground bc i was ALREADY mad close to him. and then after we got off the stairs i beat maxs ass but tbh vince is a slow walker 😭 so once he made it to the other steps of stairs and looked down and all he saw was me drop max on the floor and then i walked away. AND THAT SAME DAY I THINK IS WHEN HE SMILED AT ME . but after that situation i smacked maxs head and he fell down on purpose and then Vince turned around just to see max on the floor. AND HE SMILED AGAIN.

i rlly just wish he could be mine 😭😭