hi

🫠

oh my goodness im already so different from the person i was last october,

these words from the last chapter r fake omg well at the time they werent but now id never say anything like that bc omg that cold heart that was "melted" was frosted up again and into thicker colder ice. i hate everyone , max is ruining my life and ik its stupid to judge someone for who they are which society says but still does either way, but here i am my true self here is where i speak the shit that goes on in my mind 24/7. and truth is im tired of him and the way he thinks hes so funny but no hes just weird like its so embarrassing i like a guy and he embarrasses the shit out of me like oh my god sorry if i dont like u back but god did he ever really think he could get a chance with me . hes so fucking short and embarrassing. im a fucking goddess im not gonna be wasting time with the worlds worst fucking friend . and hes terrible he saw one of my scars and didnt even bother to keep to himself but he instead was yelling it all around town in front of my other friend like they dont need to know this like its so annoying and he really thought he was trying to help which he was not he was making things worse by trying to force my pull up my sleeve and grabbing that arm i fucking hate him and everything he does is so fucking annoying im so done with him . like im so ready to move . and he was saying im a good friend im gonna make sure u dont want to kys and it all just got me so angry like ugh stfu im going to kms and nobody is stopping me this time . i hate everyone . he can blame himself when i finally let go . he just had to be embarrassing. like ugh and

yes im going to kms .

i just dont think i can keep going anymore barley anything makes me happy anymore and ive been cutting every day literally hoping and praying i bleed out . but no . i do it all the time before bed literally praying i dont wake up the next morning . im so tired and nobody understands but i dont want support from my friends or fucking counselors or fucking therapist. it cant help me , nobody can help me anymore not even myself im so tired and i csnt keep going i think this just might be it, im tired of fighting for so so long .

12 - 7 - 22

i love writing on here, i mean i wrote on here before even watching memories of a teenager but he fr is me . writing every thought and feeling on a website about our fucked up life . and then he eventually kills himself , then the notes get published for people struggling. i like that concept and like i said i was doing that b4 i seen that movie but it's basically what im doing right now . officially 13 which means its the 13th chapter so i should have 13 reasons by now . 😭 jk i guess. i have about a thousand reasons .
1 . im tired , 2 im angry, 3 i hate everyone, 4 tired of getting played and used by MEN. 5 i love my family more than anything else on this earth but they just had to be hispanic and dont know how to comfort their children properly but its not like itd work now if i were comforted bc its beyond late for that , 6. this world is disgusting 7. filled with dirty ppl 8. filled with fake bitches 9 . filled with men who seek the urge to use women as a distraction or use them for their own pleasure. 10 , "friends" who suck 11 . a brother who ruined my mentality 12. really shitty movies 13 . i could see heath ledger 14. i could finally see my baby shadow again 15. i dont have to deal with dumbasses 16. ill be a lot more calmer away from stupid people 17 . dont have to worry about failing the grade and just omg the list goes on .  gn im going to bed .
12/8/22

i know it sounds rude but its just honesty and im tired and opened up my heart again and got played AGAIN. its not fair and im just so tiredddd. 

12 - 8 - 22