hi

womp womp womp

welllll umm my overthinking was indeed right, alex never had the same kinda romantic feelings i did feel towards him, i mean sexually duh ofc apparently thats all he was about bc i finally got the courage to ask like if this was serious or if this was just like some kinda hookup to him and well i found out i was basically his rebound ! and ugh im the easiest target bc im still gonna stick around bc thats just the kind of girl i am , i am so stupid, i become a FOOL when i fall for a guy , and he let me choice if i wanted to wait for him and try for a real relationship or if we left it off to thats it like wtv and its okay and i didnt rlly make up my mind idk i just told him idk and i like him but now i just felt weird but he didnt bring it up again and we snapped all day today but i didnt text anything i mean usually im the first to text him but today i didnt, if he was outside, in a car, anywhere not home i didnt ask a single thing. i mean in my mind ofc but i didnt want to ask him i felt so terrible i mean. i cried like a lot 🌚 just from the conversation.
i cried to sleep, i cried in the morning, i cried in the shower, like the whole night and the whole morning i cried but im feeling better now but idk still stressing i mean out of nowhere he calls me like always he always randomly calls me and he told me about what he did and i told him i pretty much just stayed home and he was like oh you shouldve invited me over and ugh when he said that idk idk
i mean did he not get the message or did he think he not giving an actual answer was meaning we could be like fuck buddies or something but like cmon its gotta be common sense i dont want that i mean i told him twice that i like him and the common sense is im a virgin why would i virgin want a fuck buddy i mean think about it everyones been a virgin once before and when u think about your first time as a virgin, something like meaningless sex with no love is not something a virgin would normally like for their first time idk its just stupid idk but he just ugh idk he treats me SOMETIMES like im his gf and i thought he liked me cuz of the things he does and says ,
he said im his
he sends me snaps like of him with dumb little faces and snaps that arent shy, and his family and friends, and today on the ft call he said he didnt wanna gts bc he wanted to talk to me like oh my godd i just don't understand and im such an easy target so ofc im gonna stick around ugh i feel so stupid bc i told him i dont wanna force a relationship im so sick of doing that but i mean idk idk im just gonna be the stupid bitch once again 🌚

July 30 23