hi

wtv

im back so life was going pretty decent i mean school sucked but not the social part last year was my best tear socially and maybe not for the best reasons but wtv cuz if i had stayed in that town i wouldnt have changed and probably killed myself by the age of 16 well any of that doesnt matter bc the whole reason i got like that, like so depressed, suicidal, and all the addictions was over a boyyy 😂 and nobody ever broke my heart like he did butttt to this day i think we might have competition and ik i shouldnt nor shouldnt have trusted this boy i mean he started talking to me WHEN HE HAD A GF but ohhh myyy i always do this i always ignore the signs and shi and ik he would've probably done the same to me but i just fall into so much love for no reason at all and get manipulated so easily omg i had the guilt that he would leave me if i didnt give him what he wanted and i gave myself up way too easily omg i always say im going to change and i never fucking change i always do the same with every guy i let them take advantage of me omg omg and i was starting to trust this boy but hes been taking longer to respond to me soo i wanted to be big and bad and started looking for attention from other guys which i found and now im extra guilty i dont want those boys i only want him but he hasnt texted me since the morning like oooohhh he doesnt want me omg omg and theres this boy blowing up my phone rn but hes not him hes not the guy i want to talk to like omg i dont know why and how i feel so hard and so bad for this boy hes not even that cute but thats jus the fucking girl i am i always get so attached and create all these delusions and i feel so guilty bc i feel like i betrayed god by giving in so quickly , i said no a bunch of times but he was so persuasive and before i saw him omg omg i knew there was a difference between desire and actually acting on those desires

but yea thats it my hearts been broken the most by an A and J prob the worst 2 letters 💀

july 11th 2023