Technoblade oneshots

Sootcest [crack]

"Techno!!! Wilbur wants to fuck himself!!!" Tommy screams.

"WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ME?!"

"Oh my god he's kissing the other guy! Stop him! Stop him!"

"Nope! Nope! That's not my fucking business!"

Techno covers Tommy's ears while dragging him out the house. Philza distracting himself with feeding the dogs and the polar bears, until he realized...

"WILBUR! YOU BETTER NOT BE FUCKING IN MY DAMN BEDROOM! YA GOT YOUR OWN BED!"

"I WAS GETTING TO THE BEST PART PHILZA!"

"I DON'T CARE! OFF THE BED!"

"UUUUGHHH!"

****

*wheezing at the background*

Narrator: dear Lord...