The Mafia's Missing Triplets

Chapter Forty-Nine

*Self Harm in the first 2 paragraphs of this chapter*

Also, just to be clear, Sawyer's thoughts and problems aren't over his sexuality but his desires making him feel like he is forcing someone (Elliott) to do the same things he was forced to do if that makes sense

Sawyer's POV

My thoughts that I was a monster just swirled in my head. The things I wanted to do were wrong; they did that to me. I promised myself I would never do that but his hurt face told me I did. I stared at the blade. I hadn't done it in a long time. Avery and Quinn found out and helped me stop but I was a monster. I didn't deserve them or anyone.

I needed it all to stop making the mental pain physical to feel it. I couldn't make them hurt me this time like I used to. I pulled my shirt up exposing my hip where I let the knife dig into my skin. Once the first cut was made I felt lighter. I started the shower to make sure Quinn and Avery wouldn't get suspicious and continued until I felt good enough. I washed off all the blood and hid the blade back in its place and then bandaged the cuts. They wouldn't be visible to anyone ensuring I could keep this from others finding.

Once I changed clothes I walked back into the room where Avery headed into the bathroom after giving me crap calling me a diva for taking forever. Quinn tried to pull me back into bed to cuddle with her but I pulled away looking through my backpack avoiding her. The look on her face made me feel bad but I couldn't let her be around me anymore. She was too good for me.

When she came back into the room with damp hair she gave Quinn a look and pulled her out of bed and pushed her into the bathroom to get ready. If Avery didn't force Quinn up Quinn would end up trying to make us cuddle all day with her. Once she was in the bathroom, Avery turned to me and gave me a look. I ignored her and she sat on the floor next to me pulling my backpack away knowing I didn't need anything in it.

"What's going on, Sawy, you can't bullshit us."

"Nothing, Ve, it was just a dream," I tried to brush her off but she has always been the most stubborn.

"What, we give Quinn a lecture about talking to us about this shit and now you are trying to hide it too. We may be fucked up but we're fucked up together." She sighed, "Either we talked about it before we go to sleep tonight, all of us talking about the shit happening, or I will take extreme measures. We aren't doing this shit, keeping secrets like we used to didn't work then and it won't work now."

I sighed and nodded knowing not to argue with her when she was like this. I knew all three of us were keeping shit from one another right now but like them, I didn't want to share. I was the monster not them.

Avery leaned her head against the wall, "Quinn went to Leonardo's office last night and fell asleep there. I freaked out and went searching for her until Alessandro led me to her."

I gave her a look and she shrugged as Quinn walked into the room. The look on her face meant she heard Avery's last statement, "You two tell me what's going on with you and I'll tell you the rest of mine." Like always she played dirty when it came to making us talk.

After a while of uncomfortable silence as she waited for us to talk she rolled her eyes and looked over Quinn, "Is your arm fine now you aren't even wearing the sling anymore." She hasn't been wearing the sling in a while but she's the best at hiding the pain but terrible at lying.

"It's okay," Avery watched her for another second before nodding and leading us out of the room.

When we entered the kitchen Quinn went to make coffee and we fielded greetings from everyone. "You are down late today." Whether it was a question or a statement Avery shrugged in response.