Can't I See You One Last Time?

Chapter 25: Inside the Mind of Shinazugawa Sanemi

Shinazugawa wasn't cleared for going on this mission, so he knew that he was going to get a lecture from Oyakata-sama. Even if no one but Giyuu could understand why he was doing this, Shinazugawa didn't care what the consequence was. He was saving someone important to him. He was saving someone he admired.

Before the hoping dimensions, or what they call, the first try, when hearing about the death of Rengoku he felt rage towards them. The demons had taken away yet another thing important to him. For Shinazugawa, Rengoku's death made his world a little less lighter.

Rengoku had always said hi to everyone while passing by, even him. Rengoku would start a conversation with a smile on his face. Shinazugawa had found it annoying and distracting. He didn't enjoy Renogku's bright and determined smile disturbing his day every time they walked by each other.
"Good morning Shinazugawa! How was you sleep?...Shinazugawa, how was your mission?...Do you want to train with me, Shinazugawa?...Good evening Shinazugawa! How has your day been?...Shall we walk to the meeting together, Shinazugawa?...Good night! Sleep well, Shinazugawa!"
It was a daily occurrence. Even if he wanted to avoid him, Shinazugawa would always bump into him. It was like Renogku made it part of his schedule to greet every Hashira at least once per day.

Shinazugawa disliked the daily greeting; the day disrupting greetings. He hated them, but he started responding to them.
"Normally....Fine....No....Alright....Sure....You too."
At one point, the responses just fell out of Shinazugawa's mouth. Soon the responses that fell out of his mouth, became longer and thought out. The small exchanges had turned into conversations. Shinazugawa had started to enjoy the exchanges he had with Renogku. Then, Rengoku had suddenly died. The small, enjoyable conversations disappeared. There were no more daily greetings with a smile instead of a scared face. Shinazugawa waited all day for a greeting from the bright hair colored man, but he didn't get any after the incident.

At night, Shinazugawa would swear to kill every demon with more rage than he had before. People might've thought what Shinazugawa had though almost nothing of the death of a comrade, but he was incredibly sad. He just acted so we wouldn't get looked at with eyes of pity. He hated those eyes. He hated eyes filled with pity, and hatred.

The person who greeted Shinazugawa with a smile was dead, as not coming back. The last person he had left to truly, emotionally rely on, was pushed away. Shinazugawa personally pushed him away, and in the end he left him too.

When his mother came back home as a demon, the elder brother slayed her in front of the younger. The younger brother hated the older for that and stopped talking to him. Every time the two made eye contact, the younger brother's eyes were filled with intense hatred. They were no longer filled with admiration or kindness. It was like that until he found the real reason why the older killed their mother.

The younger found out after the older had left to become a member of the Demon Slayer Crops. To apologize, the younger followed his brother's path hoping to catch up to him. Soon realizing that he had no talent for the sword, the younger sought out a different way to get stronger; a way not a single soul would would think of. He started eating demon parts and that made him stronger, but that also changed his body for the worse. The more parts he ate;the more demon-like he became, but the younger did it all to catch up to his older brother. He didn't care for the consequences.

When the time came for the two to meet again, the younger tried to apologize, but the older didn't even acknowledge him as a brother anymore. To the older, they were strangers. That hurt the younger's heart, but he kept going. He kept eating and eating to become stronger, but still his brother didn't acknowledge him. No matter what he did the older never looked the younger in the eyes.

One day, it slipped. The younger had told the older that he had eaten demon parts to become stronger. The older was disgusted and was going to slay the younger if not for the intervention of another slayer. The older knew of all of his brother's struggles but he was too stubborn to let go of the ideas in his head. The idea that if he just ignored the younger;the younger would go back and live a normal life. He believed that the younger would give up on being acknowledged by him and leave the corps, but he was completely wrong.

And as so, the two were forbidden to talk to each other. The time they talked after was their last. After eating the hair of the upper moon one demon, the younger was on the verge of becoming a demon himself. Right after eating the hair, he unleashed his new found power, killing upper moon one, but in exchange the younger's body got cut in half. With his older brother hovering over him and his brother watching him crumble away like a demon, the younger said,
"...because my Nii-chan...is...the sweetest...person...in the world."
The older watching his brother crumble away begged to the gods. He begged that they not to take his brother away from the world of the living. Alas, the gods didn't fulfill his wish, and the younger's body crumbled away. The last words coming out of his mouth being,
"Th...ank...you...Nii...chan..."
The older yelled out his brother's name, while tears spilled out of his eyes, and that was the story of the two Shinazugawa brothers. That was part of the reason Shinazugawa Sanemi was going through his painful life once again. He wanted to live a nice life with his brother. He wanted to save his brother even if he was slowly turning into a demon. To Shinazugawa, just a few peaceful memories with his brother, were the things he wanted most. He just wanted to accept his brother's apology even if that meant going through hell. No longer did he want his brother to suffer from his stubbornness. No longer did he want his brother to suffer alone. No longer did he want to look back into those eyes filled with desperation and sadness. Shinazugawa was a tough man in the eye of the public, but in reality, he was someone with a fragile soul protected by strong armor. Once that armor was gone, he'd be nothing more than an emotional mess.