If Things Were Different ~♡Killugon/Gonkillu♡~

-Lavender and Chamomile-

In celebration of our 8.55k milestone, please enjoy the extra long chapter<333
(Also I added music, I recommend you play it once you get to when gons at school)

That night as I laid in bed, desperately gripping my chest in hopes my heart would stop pounding so loudly. I turned to my side, as I wished I'd just go back to 'normal'.

Ever since they put that question in my head, I haven't been able to stop thinking of Killua....I just don't know how to feel right now...

I couldn't wrap my head around it being fine for others, and not for myself. Every conclusion I came to was shame. No matter what I ruled out in my head, I felt shameful. My stomach began to twist into a knot, still struggling with the concept of not being strait.

Was it okay if I had feelings for him? What would I do then? He is a ghost after all....

I decided then that it would be best to get some sleep, and try to put my mind to rest.

...

"Hey! Wake up already! You'll be late for school!" Killua barked, immediately waking me up.

"Ugh I forgot it was Monday already..." I groaned.
As I went to close my eyes once more, I felt an agressive cold finger jam into my forehead.

"Damn it Gon, I said wake up!!"
He continued to jab at my forehead until I finally sat up in bed.

"Okay okay, I'll start getting ready now."
I exhaustedly got out of bed and started getting ready for school. Just as I began to take off my shirt, Killua vanished immediately.
I shrugged it off and continued about getting ready.

...

"Okay, I'll be heading out now-"
Just as I was about to finish my sentence, Killua shoved a small box wrapped in cloth in my direction.

"You're lunch, idiot." He scoffed.
I gently took the box in my hands, then looked up at Killua. His face had a light pink hue, along with an annoyed expression.
"Don't be so forgetful next time."

"I didn't know you could cook~" I teased.

"Whatever!! Get out of here before you're late to school!" He yelled, practically shoving me out the door.
I laughed as I stumbled out to my bike.

Once I got all my things settled, I waved goodbye to Killua and began my bike ride.

...

The school day went on as usual; I had English with Kurapika, Science, and then Math. I found myself dreading most all of the classes, until finally it was lunch.
I weaved through the crowds to find Kurapika and Leorio who were already seated.

"Hey guys!" I greeted them both.

"Hey kiddo! How's it going?" Leorio asked.
We continued to chat until I pulled out my lunch. I had completely forgot Killua had made me something to eat.
I felt my whole face heat up as I carefully unwrapped the precious meal.

Inside, laid a box lunch with the first thing we had ever made together. Jam biscuits. On the side, he packed small fingers sandwiches and cut up strawberries. Along with the box lunch, was a small thermos full of hot lavender and chamomile tea.
Honestly, I wanted to cry.
Aunt Mito would pack me lunches everyday when I lived with her, but this felt so much different.

"What a lovely lunch you made today!" Kurapika commented.

"Oh actually...Killua made it for me..." I responded bashfully.

"OOOOOOO-" Leorio gawked, but was soon cut off my Kurapika digging his heel into his foot. He whined in pain as both me and Kurapika laughed. Leorio demanded it wasn't funny, but that only made us laugh more.
Once the moment passed, I began to eat my lunch.

I bit into the airy biscuit to be greeted with a fresh strawberry jam. I enjoyed the biscuits when I made them, but Killua's were far more delicious. It had the perfect moisture and texture, I couldn't stop eating them.
I wondered when he had time to make everything, but he must've started it last night.

Aunt Mito always had an obligation to me. I was left with her since my dad wanted nothing to do with me, so she had to take me in. I felt loved, but part of me always felt like a burden.
Killua though, he had no obligation to me. He didn't have to let me live with him, we had no relationship. But he still let me stay. And he even wanted to make me something...

In that moment, I truly felt cared for.

....

As the school day finished up, I headed out to my bike. I placed my empty lunch box in my basket and started peddling home.
As I rode my bike down the path I always go, I admired the changing leaves since it would soon be autumn. I had such a nice time admiring everything, that I decided to stop and sit down in one of the open fields. Plus being in nature helped me solve my problems last time, so it would be beneficial.
I parked my bike close to the dirt road and began to walk into the grass. A calm and familiar feeling washed over me as I sat down in the wide field.
It was nice to be outside.
I allowed myself to lean all the way back and lay down in the grass. Tucking my arms beneath my head, I began to close my eyes. I calmly took in a deep breath, and slowly released it.
I carefully cleared my mind and began to think of possible solutions to my current problems;

I have to do something, but what...I could ask Killua what he thinks? But that could go badly...I don't even know if I like him yet...

I was then struck with a genius scenario.

If Killua confessed to me, how would I react..?

I sat with my thoughts for a few moments before I felt my face flush bright red. The more I studied my feelings, the more clear things became;

I had developed a crush on Killua.