If Things Were Different ~♡Killugon/Gonkillu♡~

-The Plan-

"How did you become comfortable with your sexuality?" I asked Kurapika the next day at lunch.

"Hm? Where's this coming from?" He asked in return.

"Well," I switched my voice to a whisper. "I think I have some sort of crush on Killua, but I feel weird about it..." I confessed.

To my surprise, Kurapika didn't look shocked at all.
"Hmmm that's a tricky one...I think that part of me always knew that I wasn't interested in girls. The fact that it was always known made it a lot easier on me. But there was a part of me that denied it all the way up until I came out. I was scared of what the people around me would say, and how they'd look at me differently. Just know, you don't get any shame from me or Leorio. However, that's not the tricky part. The fact that he's a ghost is the tricky part."

I felt my heart stink to the pits of my stomach. I knew he was right.

"I told you before that we need to start planning to help him move on. Clearly you can communicate with him better than I can, so as long as we can talk to Killua we can help him. If you find that you really have developed feelings for him, then you better tell him soon." He concluded.

"I'm back! What're you two talkin' about?" Leorio greeted as he sat down next to Kurapika.
Kurapika asked my permission before explaining the situation. Leorio nodded as Kurapika explained, acting more mature than normal.

"Here's what you're gonna do, kid. Go up to him, look him right in the eye, and tell it like it is! Nothing good ever came out of hiding how you felt, so just go for it. He's disappearing soon anyway, so why not be honest?" Leorio exclaimed.
Some may argue it was a tad insensitive, but I found it inspiring. Kurapika didn't even protest his pep talk. For a minute there, he reminded me of my dad. Or at least what I imagined him to be like.
Kurapika and Leorio made this part of the world feel like home.

I shook off my sappy thoughts and began to plot on how I could properly confess to Killua.
And how to get over these feelings of mine.

...

"Welcome back Gon!" Killua said, greeting me as I walked through the door.

"Hey Killua, I got a lot of homework so I have to go do it all. We can talk once I get around to dinner." I hurried into my room. "See you in a bit!" I closed the door and quickly sat down at my desk.
From there, I started by writing out how I felt. I wrote out all of my negative feelings towards myself and my sexuality.
Once I finally finished writing everything, I changed all of the 'I's and 'me's to he/him pronouns. I then read it over and realized how horrible some of my thoughts where, and how I'd never feel that way if it were someone else. I took a good hour to properly dissect all of my intrusive thoughts of fear, and challenged them against my newly found information.
After two hours of LGBTQ+ research, clarity struck me. The main thing I was struggling with, was that I had only known about gay, lesbian, and bisexual sexualities. I had no idea there was a whole world of labels and terms. I didn't think I was gay, but bisexual didn't feel right either. Once I found a term that best fit me, a wave of contentment washed over me.
I had finally found my group. Pansexual.

After another thirty minutes of processing. I had to start forming a plan on how to confess my feelings to Killua.
As I begin to write out ideas, I heard a familiar voice begin to speak.

"How to Confess. Sounds interesting! Have you already got a special someone in mind~" He teased as he read out what I had written in my notebook.

"HEY! What're you doing in here?? Didn't I tell you I was busy???" I questioned, getting defensive.

"Jeez, sorry! I was just dropping off some dinner. It's getting late and you haven't eaten anything yet." Killua pouted. He held out a dish of chicken fried rice with a myriad of vegetables. It was a colorful dish, and the smell was infatuating.

I took a deep breath before taking. "I'm sorry Killua. I shouldn't have snapped like that. Thank you so much for making me dinner, I appreciate it."
I gently took the bowl from his hands and began to eat

On his way out of my room he said, "She's a lucky girl! I hope things work out..."
He flashed me a smile, but as he turned away—it quickly dropped to a frown.

Just before he left, without even thinking, I blurted out "Who says it's a girl?"
Once I realized what I had said, I quickly turned around to face my notebook in hopes of covering my red face.

All he did was laugh it off and tell me to enjoy my dinner.
At least he was in a better mood then he was a few moments ago.