If Things Were Different ~♡Killugon/Gonkillu♡~

-Confusion-

I sat in the comfort of confusion until it hit me. Once I understood the question, my heart sank to my stomach.
It must've shown on my face because Leorio started laughing hysterically.

"HAHAHA HE TOTALLY DOES- OWWW!!" He wailed out as Kurapika smacked the back of his head.

"Okay okay, that's enough." Kurapika said in a cold tone.

"Geez! I was just making a joke!" He shouted back.
Their bickering bought me a few moments to digest the question.

D-do I...?

Almost immediately, my mind rejected the idea. There was no way I could have a crush on him...right?
My whole face was engulfed in red, growing warmer by the second.
Shortly after, I felt steam pour from my ears from overthinking.

"Gon, don't worry about it so much. Just give us an honest answer and maybe we can help you?" Kurapika offered.

A few more moments of thinking slip by until I confidently give my answer;
"No. It's not true. I don't have a crush on him. I-I can't have a crush on him..."
I felt my confidence slip as I began to get choked up.
"It's not true. It's not true! I can't be true, w-we're both guys." I finished, holding back tears.

"What's the problem with that?" Leorio asked. I looked up at them to see visual frustration from both.

"N-no that's not what I meant! It's okay if it's you guys but—"

"But what??" He then began to stand up, but Kurapika's hand on his shoulder stopped him from doing so. Leorio took a deep breath and sat back down. I looked over at Kurapika in hopes of finding understanding, but only got a sharp glare in response. I effortlessly searched my brain for a worthy excuse, but everything sounded like it'd make things worse.

"...I-I-I'm sorry..I really didn't mean it like that...for some reason, it's okay for you guys. But when I picture myself w-with a boy...it's not right."
At this point, I began to cry.
"I just don't know how to feel..why am I so confused? Is it okay to feel this way?"

While tears of confusion flooded from my eyes, I tried my best to wipe each away as quickly as possible.
"I almost feel guilty? Why do I feel like this...I support you guys and everyone else but when it comes to me..I just don't know..."
As I went to look at them, I was greeted by two arms wrapped tightly around me. The warmth of Kurapika's embrace was unfamiliar, I had become too comfortable with the cold. It had been a long time since I was given a hug by a living person.

"I'm apologize too, we didn't mean to overwhelm you. I know it's hard to figure out, trust me I dealt with my fair share of internalized homophobia—but do whatever feels right. Accept yourself and the answer you conclude with. Either option is okay, and you have plenty of people who will support you. Don't be afraid of this part of yourself. At the end of the day, no matter your sexuality, you are you."
As Kurapika finished his thoughts, I hugged him back.

I was grateful to have such loving people in my life. 

...

"Thank you for everything you two. I really appreciate your help!" I said sliding back into my shoes.

"It took me forever to learn this much about myself, so I might as well give you a few pointers." Leorio scoffed.

"Whatever you say old man—" Kurapika remarked.
After that, it didn't take long for them to start bickering again.
I laughed and decided to see myself out. I then began on the walk home; thinking quietly to myself.

Maybe I should start monitoring my feelings now? That way I can figure out if I do have feelings for Killua..?

I trailed down the winding path, lost in thought. It was getting dark since I had been at Kurapika's house for quite some time. I allowed myself to thinking about what to do next, all the way until I reached the front door.

...

After almost 10 more minutes, I finally reached my house. Once I had thought about it, I decided that if I feel any of the 'symptoms' Kurapika described earlier that it would mean I'm developing a crush. I sifted through all my negative thoughts and fear of rejectment, and decided to follow my heart.
I took a deep breath, and carefully began to unlock the door. After hearing the click, I reached for the doorknob and steadily opened the front door. I then stepped through and closed it behind me.

"K-Killua! I'm back!" I called out into the abyss. Before I knew it, he appeared right in front of me.

"Yo! You too forever, I missed you!" He shouted angrily.

'I missed you'....
I repeated in my mind.
I felt my entire being turn warm, my face flushing a bright red.

"I-I missed y-you too..." I said back, bashfully looking down at the ground.
My chest filled with a giddy feeling, a feeling that prevented me from getting through a sentence without stuttering.