If Things Were Different ~♡Killugon/Gonkillu♡~

-Confession-

I added a sad song to make y'all cry❤️ enjoy homies

Killua's Pov:

"Yup, I promise." I responded just before vanishing. I decided to go to my old room in efforts to kill some time. 
I draped myself across my bed and got to thinking.

What could Gon possibly be planning?

I continued to wrack my brain for any clues.

Ugh what could it be?? He's been hanging out with Kurapika recently, so maybe he has something to do with it...he HAS been acting a bit weird recently.....

As I continued to think, I felt a sudden sick feeling in my stomach.

He couldn't be.....planning to complete my motive now....could he?

The more I thought about it, the more it began to make sense. How he had to console Kurapika, how distant he's been acting, it all made sense.
Immediately, my mind was infiltrated by intrusive thoughts.

He probably hates me then! What did I do wrong? Is he trying to get rid of me? I did something to upset him didn't I! What's wrong with me?

I tightly gripped the sides of my head, begging for the thoughts to stop. My eyes then began to fill with tears.
I was scared and nervous, but above everything else, I was hurt.

...

After a long while of processing, I was able to calm down a bit. Of course Gon didn't hate me, he's simply doing his job as a friend to help me move on. I knew it would have to happen eventually. Once I reevaluated my thoughts, I returned to my levelheaded mindset.

The only problem I still had was that I haven't confessed how I felt yet.

I took a deep breath before getting out of bed and heading to my desk. From there, I pulled out an aged piece of paper and pen. From there, I carefully began to write everything I've been meaning to tell him.
I started over quite a few times, but I eventually was able to express how I truly felt. I wrote my feelings in great detail before folding it up, and writing "to Gon" on top. I pressed the note to my chest as tears returned to my eyes.

I wish I had more time with you...

My thoughts were then interrupted by his yelling from downstairs.
"I'm done! You can come out now!" He yelled.
I quickly whipped away my tears and braced myself for what would come next. Once I appeared downstairs, I was greeted by Gon. He was looking a bit nervous as well, but I didn't blame him. He lead me to the dinning room, and there were biscuits and jam waiting for me.
A goodbye gift.

"Wow they look even better this time you made them! What'd you do differently?" I asked, trying my best to sound enthusiastic.

"Why don't you—..You can't eat it...can you?" I saw some color drain from his face, he looked devastated.

"Ah- no no, I can eat it!" I demanded, shoving one of the biscuits in my mouth. Unfortunately, it went through me and onto the table. Disappointed, Gon took a seat at the table. I was quick to hug him and thank him for the wonderful surprise. Even though I couldn't eat what he made, I was still so happy he did anything at all.

"Hey, Killua. T-this was only part of the surprise. I have another thing I'd like to tell you.." He said, his voice shaking.

Before he could continue I said, "I know, I'm ready."

He looked at me with a confused expression.
"Ready? Wait, what exactly do you think I'm about to say?"

"This was all to give me a good last day right? To help me move on..." I trailed off.

"Pft!" He giggled. "That's what you think this is about?"

"Hey! How was I supposed to know! Why else were you talking to Kurapika about it? What else could the surprise be for?" I yelled poking at his forehead.

"Well......" I noticed his face become bright red. "I did this because- because-!"
He struggled to say what he wanted to.
"I did this because I love you Killua!" He suddenly blurted out.

From there, everything came pouring out of him.
"I wasn't able to realize it before, but I do now. Damn it, I love you so much. I don't want you to leave, but I know you have to. And I know you don't feel the same, but I needed to tell. What if you just disappeared one day? I couldn't forgive myself for not letting you know."
He tried effortlessly to wipe his tears away as he continued to talk, his voice cracking in pain.
"I love you, I love you, I love you, I lo-"
Out of instinct, I lifted his chin and kissed him, cutting off his rambling. My vision got cloudy with tears.

"Idiot...who said I didn't feel the same..."
I held him as tight as I possibly could. I never knew I could feel this much happiness.
For the first time in ages, my whole being felt complete.

After a few moments of bliss, Gon began to speak;
"Killua-" He said sharply, pushing me off of him.

"Huh? What's wrong?"
He took his hands in mine, only then did I notice him shaking.

"Look...."
I looked down at my hands to see them slightly more transparent then they usually are. I felt my whole body break out in a sweat as I looked up at Gon. His whole expression was full of fear.

I was disappearing.

"Hey, hey look at me!" I demanded. "I need you to go into my room and read the note on my desk, can you do that for me?"
More tears began to drop from his eyes, just seeing him in pain made me begin to cry too.
He immediately began to shake his head.

"No no no, I need you here! Please don't go, I'm not ready!" He sobbed.
My vision was beginning to go dark, I could barley see him anymore.
I took him in my arms again, pressing him to my chest.
Within my last moments with him, I kissed him, one more time.

"I love you, Gon."

Then suddenly, everything went black.