| Raekkuno Fanfiction | [Long Stories]

1.6 Panicked

A/N: TRIGGER WARNING - Panic Attack and light (very miniscule) mentions of death.

This chapter is a little extreme but it honestly is probably my favourite chapter so far.

13th Oct 2021 6:23pm (Sykkuno POV)

Sykkuno: "Oh... My... God..."

Scarra: "What is it Sykkuno?"

Lily: "Sykkuno? Are you ok?"

I zoned out for a second as I replayed the conversation that just occurred in my head, feeling so embarrassed that I could just dig a hole in the middle of nowhere, and never come out. I was brought out of my thoughts as my phone started ringing, showing Rae on the screen, instead of picking up or declining I simply sat there just waiting for the ringing to stop, still staring at my phone.

Scarra: "Hey Sykkuno?"

Michael: "Sykkuno.exe has stopped working!"

Lily and Scarra: "HAHAHAHAHAHA." They laughed loudly, loud enough to break Sykkuno's blank state.

Sykkuno: "Huh? Oh..." I said as I finally declined Rae's call.

Sykkuno: "S-sorry... I zoned out for a sec."

Michael: "Yeah we could see that... Is everything alright?"

Sykkuno: "Uhm... y-yeah... *long pause* n-no..."

Ryan: "What's wrong buddy?" Ryan said as he came back from the bathroom.

Sykkuno: "Uh... I just had the most embarrassing conversation with Rae just now..."

Scarra: "You wanna talk about it?"

Sykkuno: *silence*

Lily: "Y'know what? You don't have to..."

Sykkuno: "I'd rather not..." I said as I got up and left leaving the others puzzled.

I walked through the hallway and reached the door to the guest room, remembering that Tina and Corpse were previously in there so I decided I would head to Tina's room to chill out there alone until the party starts. My mistake. I opened the door without knocking and very briefly glimpsed the two of them doing something I didn't ever want to see them doing. Like The Flash, I immediately turned around, bolting out of the room and slamming the door so loudly that the sound reverberated throughout the walls of the house.

Sykkuno: "I'M SO, SO SORRY!!!" I shouted from the other side of the door.

I didn't even bother to stick around and hear them reassure me saying "It's fine" and "Don't worry about it", I just immediately ran into my guest room, locked the door and fell face first on the bed, incredibly embarrassed on what had just occurred. Knowing I had probably just exposed their relationship, I started panicking, my heartrate was picking up, I started to hyperventilate as I felt my airways closing up, my sweat began dripping off of my face like it was a thunderstorm, I was having a panic attack. My panic attacks were becoming more and more frequent recently, in fact, I had one only the other day when I was walking around Vegas with Ryan and Tina when a whole mob of people came up to me asking for photos, snapping pictures without asking, attempting to touch me and more, Ryan was able to calm me down while Tina snapped at all the fans, telling them to back off. But there was no-one around to save me this time.

I gasped for air, noticing my vision becoming blurry as I was clutching the sheets of the bed, Tina told me a coping mechanism that worked for her, to think about the positive things in my life, the happy things. At first I thought about the one thing that made me happy, Rae, her smile, so captivating that anyone who saw it would simply fall unconscious, her giggle, so serotonin-inducing that whenever I heard it was like drinking a gallon of coffee, her hugs, so warming that I would often melt into them whenever presented with one. then I remembered the conversation we just had and just as I was starting to calm down, I felt my anxiety levels rising again, how would I ever be able to face her again.