Entrust the rest of my life to you (余生，请多指教)

Get Closer

MAY 27, 2009

The third chemotherapy was the most painful process. Teacher Lin had lost 20 pounds and his cheekbones protruded. Even if the Director changed the program and divided the chemotherapy drugs in two days to reduce the effect, Teacher Lin still vomited since yesterday morning, all night without stopping. He even spat out the yellow bile liquid.

Since the bottle of Oxaliplatin was hung up this morning, Teacher Lin, who was lying in my arms, didn't even make a sound. 

Through his sweaty pajamas and touching the ribs of his body, I suddenly wanted to cry.

I went to the Doctor's office and said, "Can we stop the chemotherapy? Even normal people couldn't bear it if they don't eat, drink or sleep." Not to mention a guy who just had surgery.

Doctor Gu drew out Teacher Lin's pathological diagnosis, "Your father is considered to have a poorly differentiated adenocarcinoma."

I shook my head blankly.

"The malignant degree is high, and the prognosis is poor. It's easy to metastasis, but also easy to recur.

I stared silently at the pathological report, and after some time, I asked stiffly, "You've said that the pathological section after the operation is excellent, isn't it?"

The Doctor looked at me, didn't say a word.

before I left the office, I asked the Doctor, "Is the chemotherapy effective? Can you — tell me the truth?"

The Doctor pouted, "We try to eliminate residual cancer cells to prevent metastasis. As for others— the results varied on each patient."

In the evening, I sat in a daze on the rest chair in the elevator lounge, looking at the stars outside through a glass window. Feeling some movement beside me, I turned my head, and Doctor Gu stood next to me, with both of his hands in the pockets. I smiled politely and turned back to look at the sky.

"Don't look at it as if the sky would collapse."

"I don't."

"Why did you sit here in the middle of the night?"

I looked at my wristwatch. "It's only 09:15 at night, Beijing time."

He smiled, "Go back to the Hotel and get some sleep."

"No, Teacher Lin can't sleep well without me." Although I knew that he couldn't sleep even if I was there. However, I still got up and walked back with the Doctor.

"Lin Zhixiao."

I turned around, and the man who had already entered the office came out again to hand over a bar of chocolate.

"Thank You." There was no lengthy consolation or alarmist talk, just a slight smile.

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MAY 28, 2009

On the morning rounds, Teacher Lin saw Doctor Gu and only said, "I want to go home."

"You haven't eaten for two days. How can you go home like this?"

"I want to go home."

"I must wait for you blood test report."

"I want to go home." Teacher Lin just said these words.

Doctor Gu raised his head and said, "Can you get out of bed? Can you walk?"

"I can."

"Then walk and let me see."

".........." H e was silent.

"If your index is not qualified and you continue to eat nothing, I can only suggest that we inject the fat milk emulsion to replenish nutrition."

"I don't want it ......."

Doctor Gu completely ignored him, nodded and said goodbye to us.

Teacher Lin wrinkled his face with objection and lost control in front of us because he met a doctor who didn't buy his tantrums at all.

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MAY 30, 2009

They had hung the fat emulsion up for three days, the reaction to chemotherapy stopped gradually, and Teacher Lin's spirit recovered slightly.

I brought a glass of water while in the elevator and looked out through the glass window.

It was 4 o'clock in the afternoon, and the rain had fallen for a long time, but the moisture had not yet receded.

I remembered once, I saw a sentence, 'every city was ordinary when we see it from a common place, but it looked beautiful when we see it from somewhere high.'

Even the simple street lamp, in the wet and moist atmosphere, can reveal some peacefulness. I smelled the fresh air that was covered by rainwater.

"How's your father? Does he still vomit?"

I turned around in surprise and looked at the man in a white robe in front of me, "Doctor Gu, are you on the night shift again today?"

"My colleague went home because it's International Children's Day and transferred his shift to me."

Two people looked at the street view silently for a moment, and he went away to make the phone call in a low voice. I half squinted my eyes, the air the air that came from the window brushed into me and made me feel sleepy until a cell phone was pushed in front of my eyes.

I looked at the talk time on the phone screen and looked at the Doctor who was holding the phone, and he just lifted his chin toward the phone.

I took it, his body temperature was still on the screen, leaving me at a loss for a moment, "Hello?"

"Sister!"

"So, your full name is Du Wenjun (Xiao Du)."

I saw the Doctor face away to one side, smiled, I hurriedly added awkwardly, "Happy International Children's Day."

"......" It seems even more embarrassing.

I looked at the Doctor and then his cell phone, and suddenly said, "Are you going to take the exam soon?"

"In another week."

I twirled my hair, "Despise the enemy tactics and attach importance of the enemy's strategy. I wish you a quick victory in the War of Resistance." I hurriedly returned that phone to the Doctor.

After that, I didn't know what they spoke to each other over the phone. Doctor Gu smiled and said, "All right, continue your study. Maintain a regular work and rest schedule, don't work until late at night, use your collective heart and mind to face the exam."

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MAY 31, 2009

After all the Doctors discussed together, Teacher Lin's chemotherapy reaction was too big, and

6 his body tolerance was also poor. After this chemotherapy, the doctors paused the treatment, and he could go home to adjust for a while before continuing to the next procedure.
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JUNE 1, 2009

In the morning, I left the hospital first and went back to do my thesis defense.

Xiao Yu held me for almost all day (in fact, I still don't know why she sticks to me that much), and she didn't let go of me until I promised to bring her delicious food next time.

I didn't see Doctor Gu. He missed the rounds and went to prepare for surgery.

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Special Dialog:

Doctor: You would never concern yourself with my feelings.

(Why should I concern myself with your feelings? I didn't even know what kind of feeling you had at that time.......)