Entrust the rest of my life to you (余生，请多指教)

Night Run

SEPTEMBER 18, 2009

After the orchestra rehearsal ended, I bowed my head and slowly wiped up my clarinet, I had an indescribable melancholy feeling. At least, I finally believed people often said: "When a women falls in love, her IQ drops? No, the truth is, they didn't even have a brain."

The girl who played flute next to me was complaining to the violin girl, "Look, I have another fine line in my eye! Oh no! I'm getting old."

Now I wish that if I were three  or four years older, at least I wouldn't get to hear, "I'm so much older than you." I thought that sentence had tempered the nerves in my brain.

What the big deal if you're six years older than me? My history was terrible, and I couldn't even list the name of people in this orchestra. But I know there must be so many people in this world and history who had six years' differences or more with their lovers.

"If the situation particularly confusing, then simply tell the truth."

I looked at my wristwatch, today was Friday. The Doctor should be working on the night shift. I didn't know where the courage came from when I finished packing my things; I walked away.

More than half an hour later, I was waiting for the elevator in the lounge of the ward and stood in front of the glass door. What should I say? What should I do? I found that my mind was full of puzzles, no answers, and even no logical thought. I confused why the schools didn't open a class for love psychology.

Turned into the corridor, I wondered: If I put down my musical instrument case on the floor, I could be considered as wandering artist in the subway. Should I say that I am coming here after performing the art?

I took a deep breath and looked up when I saw the Doctor had finished talking to a patient and about to walk into his office.

Ten steps away. My adrenaline went up in one fell of swoop.

His hands hung on the sides of his body, and the whole person stood straight. For a long time, he leaned over and opened the office door.

After I came in, the door was closed. In that room, only both us and nobody was talking. 

He stood by the door, his eyes were on my face, expressionless. My heartbeat gradually fell back, and I didn't know whether to laugh or to cry. At least he didn't ask a question such as, "How's your dad doing?"

I didn't know how long we stood like this until he bowed his head slightly and strolled to his desk with his back to me.

My eyes taht I held back for a long time suddenly turned red. I took a deep breath and swallowed my saliva. I tried hard to hold back the acidity in my eyes. If I shed teras, It would be hard to explain.

Before I finished adjusting my mood, the Doctor turned around and handed over a clean apple and a paper towel to me. "Eat this apple."

It stunned me. I took the paper towel that he handed over obediently, wiped my hands, then took the apple, and began to bite.

(Sansan:  You probably have a mental lapse.... ) 

The Doctor's fingertips pointed on my musical instrument case, "What's inside?"

"Clarinet."

"Polka?"

(The Polka is originally a Bohemian dance and genre of dance music familiar throughout Europe and the America. it originated in the middle of the 19th century in Bohemia, now part of the Czech Republic.)

"Yes."

"I'm surprised. With two clicks of sounds, the box opened. the Doctor slowly stroked his finger across the tube and said, "Play a song for me. "