Connect Us ✔

Chapter 19

My forehead falls powerless against the floor, and I moan—just moan in shock. Loud and raw. The way he moves his fingers makes my brain short-circuit. Before I can even think, my body takes over—a twitch, and I come.

"Fuck... fuck, fuck..." God, that was too good. But what the hell happens now? He literally pays me to make him come, and here I am, coming from just a few finger movements. Jesus Christ. I mean... what am I supposed to do? This man has magic hands, I swear to God.

Is it over now? Will I get no money at all? Did I lose this sick game, only to have suffered all these days for nothing?

Breathless, I fall onto my back. "I'm sorry," I breathe. "Fuck... I'm sorry. I swear to God, it just happened. I swear!"

When I finally dare to open my eyes, he slowly straightens up, back on his feet. "Get up."

Still out of breath and tired, I stare up at him in disbelief. "What?" I could only breathe it out.

"Get up, Oscar."

God I don't want to. I just want to close my eyes and relax. My limbs are still shaky. But do I even have a choice? I guess not. I slowly roll on my stomach to heave myself up on my knees. When I just want to get up properly, his hand stops me on my shoulder. "Stay on your knees."

And when I look up at him, I realize what's going to happen now. Something I'd promised myself I would never ever do. Never. A sudden unsettled fear creeps up in me. He doesn't say anything, but when he looks down at me I almost hear him think, 'come on, Oscar. You know what to do. Do I have to explain every little step to you?'

I lean over, my head between his legs and my hands rush to his fastener, trembling. But he suddenly pushes me away again.

When I look at him questioningly, having a little spark of hope I misunderstood, and this is not going to happen now, there is still a way out, he says, "You ask my permission before you touch me."

I look even more confused, back and forth between his serious eyes and his pants. "Can I touch you?"

"You only gonna touch me, Oscar?"

"I... No, I mean... Can I... suck it?" 

I feel terrible in that moment. Not only humiliated, it's worse. I don't only feel stupid because he makes me ask his permission. When he nods one time and I open his pants, everything in me resists it so strong that I would rather give up and just leave. But I push everything away from me. Eyes shut and go for it.

And that's how I do it. My eyes shut, telling myself this is just the same as what I did on his finger. Come on, Oscar. Don't make a fuss. Jesus Christ, it's just a dick. I also have one. I take it out and into my mouth, no hesitation. I know I have to do it in order to get so much money. Everything he wants, just how he wants it.

I move fast. I want it to be over. I want to get it over with quickly. I could have done it anywhere. Sucking a bottle cap? No problem. His fingers? Fine, if he wants it. Any part of his body? With pleasure. But not here. Not like this.

I feel his hand on the back of my head. "Slowly, Oscar." 

And then I stop. A huge mistake. That's the moment my mind can't switch it anymore. He's still in my mouth and his hand pushes me further. "Go deep, not fast. Yeah, that's good..." 

I breathe through my nose and smell it. Too human. Too disgusting. I can't. The urge comes up before warning me—I cough. 

"Just like that..."

I already feel it coming at that moment, but I hear him moaning softly and I think to myself, come on, just a few more seconds. Just a little longer. It will be over in a moment. Just another second... Just a second...

I tap the palm of my hand against his thigh. Panic spreads through me and I think he won't stop in time but he does. I move my head away from him as far as I can in that brief second, then it just comes up.

Shit, I just start a thought but my thought is interrupted by another contraction of my body when I throw up. I gasp and think, what the hell is going on right now? Then more comes up. And more. I can't breathe and my whole body shakes and coughs as it comes up again and again. I can't stop recalling the smell, can't stop hearing his voice repeating in my head. Just a little longer... 

Suddenly my hands clench around a bucket. I gasp when it stops briefly and find myself crying. Shit. Fucking shit. That's not really happening right now, is it?

Another load comes up when I just thought it's finally over. Another cough, another gasp for air. "Fuck..." I try to catch my breath. My throat feels like it's corroded. "Fuck..." My head is heavy when I lift it. "Don't do that..."

"Don't worry about it." He leans over the floor and cleans it. I'm not sure how much it is, I'm too dizzy for that, but I'm far too uncomfortable. I want to run out of the apartment, delete and block his number, and never see him again. It's too embarrassing. And it smells disgusting.

"You don't have to do that." I put the bucket aside. I clean my mouth with my forearm and try to take the rag away from him, preferably without touching him. My hands and knees are full of that crap. "I'm good. I can do that."

"Take a break, Oscar." He sits up straight for a second. "I do things like this every day, it's alright."

No it's not. I don't want him to do this for me. I'm not a child. And we're not in that kind of relationship. But I just get up and run into the bathroom, wash my hands, my mouth and then my face. I lean against the sink for a moment, my forehead against the mirror and curse softly. 

This will never happen again. I'll know better next time.