Connect Us ✔

Chapter 19

When he was gone and I heard him in the kitchen, I leaned my forehead against the floor. The floor was still wet, but it didn't matter. I had to get my breath back first. But it didn't take long before he came back and stopped in front of me.

"Still not done?" he asked. "Up." I sat up and looked up at him. "Stand up." I got up slowly, still feeling a little weak and he was walking away so I decided to just go after him.

He sat down on his bed and I stopped in front of him. I was getting colder again and I wondered why it was so cold in here. He took a few sips from his glass without taking his eyes off me, then set it aside. "Get on your knees," he said so I knelt down in front of him, looking up at him, waiting for the next order while a sudden unsettled fear crept up in me. He didn't say anything, but when he looked down at me I almost heard him saying, 'come on, Oscar. You know what to do. Do I have to explain every little step to you?'

I leaned over, my head between his legs and my hands rushed to his fastener, maybe they were shaking a little bit. But he suddenly pushed me away again.

When I looked at him questioningly, he said, "you ask my permission before you touch me."

I looked even more confused, back and forth between his serious eyes and his pants. "Can I touch you?"

"You're only gonna touch me, Oscar?"

"I... No, I mean... Can I... suck it?" I felt terrible in that moment, not humiliated, it was worse. I didn't only feel stupid for he made me ask his permission. When he nodded one time and I opened his pants, everything in me resisted it. But I pushed everything away from me. Eyes shut and go for it.

That was really how I did it. I closed my eyes, took it out and into my mouth, no hesitation. I knew I had to do it in order to get so much money. Everything he wanted, how he wanted it. It worked like that when my head thought it was something else and I wasn't thinking too much.

I moved pretty fast since I wanted it to be over. I could have done it anywhere. Sucking his fingers? No problem. A bottle cap? Fine, if he wants it. Any part of his body? With pleasure. But not here. Not like this.

I felt his hand on the back of my head. "Slowly, Oscar," he said and I slowed down, I even stopped and that was the moment my head couldn't switch it anymore. He was still in my mouth and his hand pushed me. "Go deep, not fast. Yes, that's good..." I coughed but he pushed me further. When he was that deep inside my mouth I breathed through my nose. The smell triggered something in me. He was too deep. "Just like that..." I already felt it at that moment, but I heard him moaning softly and I thought, just a few more seconds. Just a little longer. It will be over in a moment. Just another second... Just a second...

I tapped the palm of my hand against his thigh. Panic spread through me when I thought he wouldn't stop in time but he did. I moved my head away from him as far as I could in that brief second, then it just came up inside of me. 

Shit, I thought and my thought was interrupted by another contraction of my body when I threw up. I gasped and thought, what the hell is going on right now? Then more came up. And more. I couldn't breathe and my whole body shook and coughed as it came up again and again. I couldn't stop thinking of his voice when it reappeared. Just a second... Suddenly my hands clenched around a bucket. I gasped when it stopped briefly and found myself crying. Shit. Fucking shit. That's not really happening right now, is it?

Another load when I thought it was finally over. Another cough, another gasp for air. "Fuck..." I tried to catch my breath. My throat felt like it was corroded. "Fuck..." My head was heavy when I lifted it. "Don't do that..."

"Don't worry about it." He leaned over the floor and cleaned it. I wasn't sure how much it was, I was too dizzy for that, but I was far too uncomfortable. I wanted to run out of the apartment, delete and block his number, and never see him again. It was too embarrassing. And it smelled disgusting.

"You don't have to do that." I put the bucket aside. I cleaned my mouth with my forearm and tried to take the rag away from him, preferably without touching him. My hands and knees were full of that crap. "I'm good. I can do that."

"Take a break, Oscar." He sat up straight for a second. "I do things like this every day, it's alright."

No it's not, I thought. I don't want you to do this for me. I'm not a child. And we're not in that kind of relationship. But I just got up and ran into the bathroom, washed my hands, my mouth and then my face, leaned against the sink for a moment, my forehead against the mirror and swore softly. That will never happen again, I tried to calm myself down. I'll know better next time.

I washed my knees clean and sat on the floor. I could still smell that disgusting sour smell. My head hurt and I leaned it briefly on my knees and closed my eyes. I couldn't even run away without him noticing because I was just wearing this shit and I was freezing. I was shaking, the floor was cold, but I didn't think of getting up.

"Oscar." My head jumped up. He stood at the door. "Come, you can sleep in my bed."

I shook my head and slowly got up. "I'll go home. Do you have something to change for me?"

I wrapped my arms around my body and walked past him when he gently grabbed my arm. I stopped. "Talk to me," he said. "You don't have to stay here if you don't want it and I'll give you something to change, but at least tell me what just happened."

I didn't look at him, instead I looked down to the floor. I didn't want to talk about it, but I still had the hope that somehow I could get the money. At least I was feeling much better, maybe I could...

"We can talk about everything, make a different arrangement if you tell me what was going on."

I didn't even know what to say. I was confused and shocked myself. All I knew was that I didn't want to do it.

"Come." He nodded his head into the room. He didn't touch me anymore and it made me angry that he was too considerate. I'm not a child. "Sit, I'll bring you something warm."

"I'm not gonna stay."

"Never said you have to." He looked at me waiting as I stood in the doorway and was trembling. I nodded slowly. All I wanted was to go home and take a hot shower. But the money...