Connect Us ✔

Chapter 37

It's been three days since I last heard from him, and I'm concerned that Felix's sudden appearance had something to do with it. I get his message just as I'm picking up my old phone from repair.

Saturday 7 pm

oh ur alive

u can have ur phone back btw

whats ur bf doing

Admittedly, I don't ask just to provoke him. I actually do care. I'm in a really bad mental state these days, and I haven't heard from Felix in days either. Only three days left until I have to go back to work and nothing has changed at all. Tomorrow I'm going to the doctor with Maddie. The day after tomorrow to him.

The competition is in less than a week, and I'm not even looking forward to it. I'm terrified. Because what happens after the competition? After there's nothing left to look forward to? After whatever I have with this man is over—and so is whatever it is I have with Felix, because he would never allow it.

And here I go, just being an asshole brother again, worrying about my own shit while my sister's being abused at home and there's nothing I can do about it. I fucking hate myself. Will she end up just like me?

His replacement phone vibrates as I'm walking out of the little repair shop, and I just want to take a quick look. Well, it's not a quick look because the second I see his response, I freeze, eyes wide in shock.

What's your brother doing?

I stop in the middle of the sidewalk and stare at it, trying to go back in time to figure out when the hell I told him about my brother. But I didn't. Which means the only way he could know is if Felix told him. Ouch.

what do you mean??

A sudden fear washes over me. What if Felix only came by to find out my weakness just so Blair could take advantage of me? Am I being delusional? Hell, I don't even know what's right or wrong anymore. I'm mentally exhausted.

I push the fear away and try to stop thinking about it. Crushing on Felix was the only good thing left in my grey everyday life. And now he's destroyed that too.

I drive home and can't stop thinking about it when I look around my tidy apartment. Only a few boxes are left, stacked neatly in the corner. Things that don't have a place here. Things I don't really need, things I should get rid of. The kitchen is sparkling clean. There's not even any laundry to do.

On reflex, I reach for his phone. I save Felix's number in my own. I hesitate—then just go for it, not thinking twice.

hey

its me oscar

are u busy right now?

I put my phone away again and don't even notice my foot tapping nervously against the leg of the table. I want him to answer right now. Was it all an act? His sweet smile? The flirting? Shit. Am I that easy? Am I that stupid?

My phone vibrates twice in a row and I check it immediately.

Oscar!

hiii

My fingers type automatically. I don't even think. The fear drives me crazy. He's typing. I'm typing. And looking at his new message after I send mine.

wanna talk? :)

did u tell ur bf something about me?

Two seconds nothing. Then he starts typing again.

what exactly?

Blair and I talk about everything

was there anything I shouldn't tell him?

seriously?

I can't help it. The sadness that's been clinging to me for days numbs all my senses and now it makes me furious. My fingers shake as I type. Fucking hell, I'm close to tears because I'm so sure he just played me.

EVERYTHING abt me is none of his damn business

he and i literally made a rule for that

sorry I didn't know

shit i thought thats obvious felix

not like were all gonna be bffs or smth

fuck im so angry

why did he even let u talk wtf

he seemed interested

ofc he did

hes gonna use everything against me

God, that's not good. I should really stop texting. But my fingers move by themselves without thinking. I take a deep breath and try to calm down for a second.

what did u tell him about my brother

nothing

I don't know anything about him

then how does he know?

I just said I had to leave because you had to deal with your brother

what else

nothing really

great

I'm not in the mood for anything anymore today, but I still go to training early and dance alone until the others join. It feels good to train when you're angry or sad. Like letting off steam that's been clouding my mind.

It's not until I'm sitting with Maddie in the doctor's waiting room that I re-read my messages and feel terrible. Felix happens to be online when I text him.

hey

He doesn't answer right away. Only a few minutes after.

hey :)

im sorry

i freaked out a little bit

its not ur fault

my brother is just a sensitive topic

it's okay :)

I'm just thinking about whether I should write more and if I've just ruined everything when I suddenly feel Maddie's hand in mine and look over at her. I smile at her and gently squeeze her hand.

"Do I have to take off my pants?"

"I don't know. Maybe." Maddie starts scratching her hand, and that's when I notice the rash. "Hey, show me your hands." I take a look at them. There are lots of small red spots; in some places, the skin is peeling off, probably from scratching too much, and in one spot, I can even see a small blister filled with yellowish liquid. "How long has it been like that?"

Maddie shrugs. "A few weeks?"

I curse softly. Then my phone vibrates and I check it.

wanna come over today?

I've already read the message, but just then we're called in, and I stand up with Maddie.