Connect Us ✔

Chapter 40

Felix couldn't sit still. He started the movie, then suddenly he got up to get a blanket and snuggled into the blanket on the couch, moved his legs to the left, then bent them to the right and wrapped himself up. A few minutes later he suddenly wanted to eat and put a few pieces of the cake on the small table across from the couch. „You can have some too," he said.

„No thanks."

Felix suddenly looked at me, legs pulled up, his head leaning on his knees and the blanket had slipped off his shoulder and had taken the cardigan with it. Speak, his shoulder was naked. A naked shoulder. My eyes may have made a little slip. I stopped breathing when I met his eyes. „What?"

He smiled softly. „Nothing." And he looked back to the movie, his chin on his knees. „I can never concentrate on movies for long."

„You couldn't concentrate from the beginning," I laughed. I think I laughed to relax myself. It didn't work.

„I will concentrate now," he then said resolutely and looked back at the screen. He managed to do this for about two minutes. Then he changed his position. He let his knees down to the couch. His lower knee was against my thigh. His knee. Touching my thigh. I guess we could say I was the one who couldn't concentrate now anymore. When I noticed that I was tapping my foot on the floor again, I stopped. Which made me even more tense. God I really wanted to take a deep breath.

I leaned back in the couch and took a breath. Not a deep breath, but deeper than my usual breaths. I squinted at him. I didn't want to turn my head. I was too tense for that. Too nervous. Too warm. Felix's eyes were glued to the screen. I bit my lip.

What I did then was a spontaneous decision. I didn't think before. I pretended that I just sat up a little, but while doing so I also slid a little closer to him. And he glanced at me. And I think he was smiling. And I think he realized. And I think it was a good thing, because Felix then lay his head on my shoulder and—god in heaven, there was an explosion of feelings in my stomach. And I tried to breathe normally because I knew he could feel the pace of my breathing now but—god in heaven, his hair was tickling my neck and he smelled of soap or something and his head was so light on the tip of my shoulder...

I decided I was going to take his hand. I wanted to hold his hand. But I couldn't see his hand. I could only see his knee. Where the hell are his arms? I think I was getting very, very hot. I remember thinking I would probably start smelling of sweat soon. I wanted to take my fucking hoodie off. Why was it even so hot? It had always been freaking cold in Blair's apartment.

I don't know if he did it with any intention but if he did I was so damn thankful. He lay his hand on his knee. I lay my hand on my knee. Then I felt stupid. Then my hand twitched. Then I felt even more stupid and I think I heard Felix smiling. It was somehow both of us who made the move. Maybe he saw that I was unsure. But when I was holding his warm hand, the next question was: where to lay my hand now? My lap? His lap? That would be stupid. I pressed my lips together. My lap. Then Felix snuggled his head deeper into the crook of my neck. My breath stumbled of this sudden move. Shit... I suddenly felt very, very hot. Holy shit I'm gonna die here. Do it again. Please do it again. He didn't do it again. But he started stroking the back of my hand with his thumb.

Okay, I thought then. Okay okay okay. Next step. Next step. I think I was going a little crazy. I stayed like this. I liked how he was stroking my hand. And I liked his head in my neck. No, damn, I didn't just like it a little.

Okay, no next step. I planned to stay like this. Then I felt his breath on my skin. On my neck. And I remember thinking, what the hell are you doing, Felix, what the hell and how my eyes went a little bigger. I really thought he was going to kiss my neck. God. God damn it. He didn't kiss my neck. Of course not you stupid idiot. He just raised his head. Fucking shit. Why was I cursing so much? Fucking shit, why was I closing my eyes? His breath felt so good. His breath on my cheek. He must have had his mouth open for me to feel his breath on my lips when I turned my heart. He tilted his head slowly and I think we did the last step together somehow. Although I followed Felix, he was kissing me so gently. So slow... so... softly... I couldn't help it. I put my hand on the back of his head and moved forward to kiss him properly.

Felix straightened and his grip around my hand tightened a little. I lost my mind when he replied to my kiss. Felix. Felix replied my kiss. Hell I wanted to fucking eat up these smooth lips. He tasted sweet and there was a hint of lemon on his lips. I moved forward. I wanted more. God, I wanted his tongue. I wanted him. But Felix moved away from me. I really didn't want to stop. I stopped when he removed his hand from mine and lay it on my shoulder, or rather pushed me a little, softly.

Felix was breathing a laugh, then he really put his lips on mine again, pulled away again and smiled, grinned. I think I was too flashed to grin or smile or laugh back. This little boy, that little kiss, my god, I didn't know such little things could make me feel so wonderful.