hey
can we talk
I don't know why I checked my phone so often. Maybe I thought I would suddenly see that he was online so that at least I knew for sure that he was ignoring my messages. Or to make sure he hasn't read my message yet. I knew it would hit me when he really would leave me on read. And that made me realize that I was totally screwed. I was so in love. And that, unfortunately wasn't good news. Not at all.
I only sent it this morning. It was stupid that I thought about it so much. I put my phone on mute. Maybe it was better when I was unconscious than knowing all day that my phone still hadn't vibrated. I put it back in my pocket and closed my eyes as I took the last few puffs of my cigarette.
I was only five minutes late today, which was really a feat for me, and Kiki smiled at me when I finally went back into the shop and said I looked better than a week ago and that she was glad that I was back. I was glad she didn't ask more because I was definitely no better than a week ago. Nothing. Fucking. Changed.
I went back to work and tried to focus. I wouldn't feel my phone vibrate anyway, even if I got a message. I tried not to think about this possibility when I had to tattoo the next customer. She was pretty, but I didn't even care. I didn't feel satisfied at all after yesterday and still, I didn't, fucking, care. I felt uneasy. I didn't even have the power to show any interest in anyone else, to maybe get another one night stand even though I didn't have any rules anymore. I was free and I couldn't even enjoy it.
Blair hadn't said anything to me anymore before I left yesterday. I had heard him talking on the phone in the kitchen when I had put my jacket on, still trembling all over, and I was pretty sure he had been talking to Felix. I've really had a big desire to listen. But I had just left. I just wanted to go home.
It was on my way home after work today, when I decided to text him again. Even though that was very pathetic. But maybe I was. Maybe that was exactly what Felix had done with me.
please?
Then I went to training. Checking my phone every few minutes. There was no use.
Training was exhausting. There wasn't much left to do, but so shortly before the competition everyone was nervous and I decided to let them go early. We still had tomorrow.
When I walked into my apartment, I felt like shit. Dishes slowly piled up again in my sink, dirty clothes were scattered on the floor and I really had no motivation to do anything. Nothing. Had. Changed. I opened my beer, wondered if I should just go out and get drunk, and didn't expect anything when I checked my phone.
yes of course
wanna talk in person?
where
I still couldn't bring myself up to feel something other than sadness or anger. Not anger at him. I was scared and disappointed and shit, I was so madly in love. Maybe I pictured it all a little nicer than it could be. But the fact that my heart felt warm every time he sent an answer – I wasn't sure if it was a good thing. Or if it would just hurt me deeper later.
can I come over?
are u sure
ok
I'll be there in a few minutes :)
I sat up and looked around. I hesitated. I had absolutely no motivation. I stood up after a few minutes. I put the clothes on the floor in a laundry basket. I stopped. I put my dishes in the sink and opened the window. When the doorbell rang, I felt an uncertain fear in my stomach and at the same time a stupid, naive tingle. I took two more sips of my beer, then opened the door.
„Hey." Felix smiled up at me as if nothing happened. But I thought there was something different in this smile. It wasn't carefree.
I winced when I heard a bark. I think it somehow woke me up from my sorrow. „Jesus..."
„Miki," he said sternly to the little orange Pomeranian at his feet, then looked apologetically at me. „Sorry, I know I should have asked, but could she stay with us?"
I watched the dog excitedly jump up at my feet. „Uhm... Do you plan to stay here longer today? I thought we would just talk."
„As you like," he said, and took the little dog into his hands, who suddenly licked his face. Felix chuckled and it sounded like music in my ears. God. I turned into a kitschy freak. He held her an arm away. Damn, how am I supposed to say no to this? Blair's gonna kill me.
„Okay. Come in."
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Teen Fiction"God, you're adorable," he chuckled, stepping towards me. When I felt his warmth right in front of me, a soft moan escaped my lips. He was close enough for me to catch the musky scent of his cologne. "Do you want me that bad?" My breath hitched, and...
