Connect Us ✔

Chapter 52

The cigarette bites first, then soothes. The first drag, the cold air brushing against my flushed cheeks—they ground me. I stand in front of the café after our conversation while Blair pays his bill. As he walks out the door, he puts on his coat and stops next to me. Only now do I actually see him. He's wearing a shirt, buttoned up like he's heading straight to work after. And, yeah, I should stop staring at his chest.

"Is Felix already at work?" I ask, blowing out the smoke of my cigarette.

Blair wraps the scarf around his neck and looks at me. For a second, I wish I could take back what I just said — remembering how, last time, he said I never want to hear his name out of your mouth again, right before he hit me. "You can visit him there."

"What?" I ask. "Seriously?"

"I'm sure he'd love that."

"What, so I can't bother you at work, but Felix is okay?"

Blair stays calmer than I expect. "It's not that strict there. He mostly just plays with the kids, talks to them, keeps an eye on things. Nothing's really set in stone."

"And you're okay with that?"

"I'm fine with you seeing him. The making out part—not so much. We'll talk about that another day."

"Don't you think that's unfair?" I risk asking, blowing out the smoke of my cigarette again. "Fucking around while you forbid your boyfriend to have his own fun? It's not like you have to protect him."

Blair looks around, hands deep in his pockets, breath rising in soft white clouds. "Who knows," he says quietly. "Guess I'm just too overprotective about him."

"Why don't you ask him what he wants instead of making assumptions? I thought you two talk about everything."

Blair shakes his head. "We avoid this topic. But you're right." I blink, caught off guard by how easily he admits it. "It's a weak point in our relationship." He takes out his phone. "I'll send you the address of his workplace."

"Thanks." I watch his fingers move across the screen for a second. My throat tightens. Should I really...? "I... kind of want to ask you something else."

"Go on." His eyes stay on the screen, thumb still moving.

"Uhm... I just want to make sure you know that's not why I came today." It really isn't. I'm just kind of taking advantage of the situation since we're already here.

He looks up at me. "How much do you need?" 

My mouth drops open. "I... uhm... I'm a little bit behind on the rent. I worked less. It's not much."

Blair is typing on his phone again. "I need a number, Oscar."

"What would I have to do for five hundred?"

He keeps typing. And typing. My fingers twitch in my pocket. I almost ask again, but then he slips his phone away and throws me a quick glance. "As always."

"Wait," I say. "Can we take it slow this time? I'm still not sure..."

"Oscar, we can always talk about everything if you don't like what I'm doing."

"Last time you said I couldn't say no."

"Play."

"You stuffed my mouth."

A faint smile tugs at the corner of his mouth. "Did I scare you?" I clench my teeth and look away. "I know where your limits are, Oscar. If you still feel unsafe, we can agree on hand signals."

"Okay."

"Good. Don't have too much fun with my boyfriend."

"Is that a request or an order?"

"A clear warning."