Connect Us ✔

Chapter 57

My apartment seemed darker than usual when I came home and sat on my bed, thinking about Maddie's tired face. I wasn't the monster here, was I? They twisted it again, right? My phone vibrated. I wiped away my tears and took a deep breath. Looked at my phone.

Late again?

I remembered last time. There's one more, he had said. And I had told him I kissed Felix. Stupid boy. It was my delay, not Felix. Felix. God how much I wanted to see him. His stupid smile. His carefreeness. His way of making everything easier, just with one glance... Now he was even further away.

I jumped on my motorcycle and raced. I was already twenty minutes late. Standard. That was my life I suppose. My stupid pathetic life. Making money by selling my own body. What happened to me? My life had always been a chaos, but selling my body? How did I end up here? Now I didn't even sell my body for money but for depts. I was earning the money I didn't even have anymore.

The cool air brushed against my cheeks, warm from crying. I felt a little better when I walked up the stairs and rang the doorbell. „Come in," Blair said and nodded me inside. He was probably mad because I was late again. I didn't even care. Blair walked into the kitchen, I followed him. He sat at the table. For a second the thought crossed my mind that maybe he had seen how devastated I was right now and that he would just cancel tonight. But I was kind of disgusted of that thought.

„Why are you sitting down?" I asked.

„I didn't have dinner yet," he said, chewing on a potato.

I sat next to him and looked at his plate. „Did Felix cook that?"

Blair just just gave me this look and sighed. He didn't answer my question but he said, „you can join me if you want." I shook my head and waited. „Did you visit your sister?" Nodded. „How did it went?"

„Don't wanna talk about it."

Blair nodded slowly. Then swallowed his food to talk. He looked at me carefully. „We need a new contract," he said after taking a sip of his wine glass.

„Why?"

„Now that you're meeting Felix, things will change."

„Fine," I sighed. „But let's do it fast."

„Not today," he explained, spearing more on his fork. „As soon as you start seeing Felix again. We will meet and talk together."

„If I have to."

He glanced at me from his meal, chewing. „Bad day?"

„Bad evening."

His last potato. Then he finally washed it down with wine, leaned back and folded his hands. „Oscar, are you interested in Felix now or not?" He suddenly sounded very serious.

„Yes I am."

„Are you interested in leading a relationship with him?"

My heart jumped at the thought. „Yes."

„Are you interested," he said slowly, „in leading a relationship with both of us?"

I raised a brow. „I'm not interested in you."

He smiled. „Not romantically."

„I'm not very eager to be with you for longer."

Blair stood up and put his plate into the sink. And I thought Felix would be happy about it tomorrow. And Imagined him being here right now. Things would have been so different. Louder. Brighter somehow. Happier.

Blair sat opposite me and leaned forward, very determined. „Look," he started. „You have to admit, the three of us complete each other quite well. Felix can't give me what you can and I can't give Felix what you can give him."

„Are you just asking me to be the whore of your relationship?"

„Are you only interested in touching Felix?"

I tensed a little, thinking about last time Felix and I had met. „Well, no..."

„Here's your answer."

„But it's not like you're giving me something I can't get from Felix."

„Is that so?" He folded his hands again. „You can't satisfy Felix. But you can satisfy me."

„I don't have to satisfy anyone."

Blair nodded. „Just think about it," he said. „There are two ways you can stay with Felix. Either you're just meeting him now and then or we continue this, just in an official relationship."

„I was never interested in a relationship."

„With Felix?"

„With you. I said it from the beginning."

„I didn't expect it either. All I wanted was a regular sex partner. Now I want Felix to be happy. It's two in one for me."

„And for me? I don't want to be just a side partner of Felix. I want more."

„What do you mean by more?"

„I don't want anyone to forbid me to kiss or touch him."

„That can be set up. If Felix agrees with it of course."

I looked surprised at him. „Wait, are you serious right now?"

„I already told you, Oscar, there's nothing we can't talk about."

„Then what about these stupid rules that ban me from having sex with anyone? Can I try to... have sex with... him... or besides this relationship...« The way Blair tensed his jaw made me talk slower. I expected him to get angry. I really did. And seriously, I wouldn't have been able to deal with angry Blair today. Not today. I ended up thinking that I kind of needed his kindness right now. I needed the Blair I had met at the cafe.

„This is all what we're gonna talk about when we meet up for the contract. I just want you to think about it until then."

My heart was beating so fast all out of sudden. Was it the thought of leading an relationship? Was it the thought of having sex with Felix? Or just of seeing him again? Touching him, kissing him... Okay. Probably. It was usually Felix when I was excited. „Okay," I said, nodding. „I'll think about it."

Blair took another sip of his wine, looking quite satisfied with my answer. „Perfect." Then he put down his glass and got up. „Now all this talking really destroyed the mood."

„Can we agree on hand signals before we start?"

„No need for that," he said. „I suppose both of us aren't in the mood for consensual non-consent."

I sighed a little relieved. „I think I was never this close to say I might not hate you."

„I take this as a thank you. You're welcome." He leaned against the kitchen counter and glanced at me. „Come here." I stood up and walked over, stopped right in front of him. Blair brushed a few strands of hair, which had annoyed me since a while, out of my face. I might have closed my eyes. I don't know why I suddenly felt so safe. Speaking to him definitely made me feel much better. „Why don't you try to seduce me tonight?"

I couldn't help but laugh and open my eyes. „You fucking pervert." Blair raised a finger which looked like a warning. „Sorry."

The corners of his mouth raised. Satisfied. Playful. A dark smile. „I want you to dance for me."

„God," I laughed and averted my gaze from him. „I'm too sober for this. Do you have beer?"