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Chapter 55

dickhead sent a video.

pls tell me this is just another dance vid of me

Watch till end

here we go again

When did you last have sex?

u askin as a doctor?

Funny

been a while

there was this asshole

he didnt let me come

am i banned again

Only until tonight

cmon man i was just starting to like u

Wow. Emotional growth? Who are you and what did you do to Oscar?

never mind

The video starts and I don't even pretend to breathe. Skin. Movement. Moans of pleasure. My body reacts before I do. Heat coils low, sharp. The coffee burns down my throat like punishment. How do I even deserve this? I tell myself I'm getting used to it but it's a lie. I'll never get used to these stupid rules.

omg

he looks like felix

Are you having withdrawal symptoms?

im dead serious rn

is that why its one of ur favs?

bc he looks like felix?

Did you make an effort with your brother?

gonna visit my sis after work tdy

ill probably see him there...

The words burn on my tongue, fighting to get out—I want to ask about Felix. How he's doing, if he still talks about me, if he ever misses me. If he's already moved on. If he still cries...

Finish him

I'm trying not to think about my plan while I'm at work. Pretending it's just another normal day. I try to lose myself in other worlds while tattooing my customers. But I catch my foot tapping nervously against the floor, which, honestly, isn't great for my job.

I'm pretty goddamn sure that if I hadn't told Blair, I would've bailed. For sure. Like, one hundred percent. My stomach's been in knots all day, and when I finally get off work, I smoke three cigarettes. Not because I physically need them, but because I want to waste more time. I don't fucking want to go there. But I have to. I finally have to.

My hands are sweating when I finally stand in front of the door, and I wipe them on my rough jeans. I hesitate for a moment, standing in the kind of cold that already feels like winter, waiting until I'm ready. Okay, I'll never be fully ready for this. I ring the doorbell.

I hear footsteps before my mother opens the door. "Oscar?" She doesn't just look surprised—she looks at me like it's ridiculous that I'm here. Like she's already bracing herself for whatever I came to say.

"Hi, Mom," I say, leaning a little to look past her. No sign of him. "Can I see Maddie?"

My mother steps away from the door. "Why didn't you write or call?" David isn't here when I walk in and take off my coat. At least not in the living room.

I exhale, trying to breathe out the nervousness. "Sorry."

"Maddie's in her room."

"Is David here?"

"In the kitchen." 

I flinch when I turn and see him standing in the kitchen doorway, leaning against the frame, chewing on something like life's so damn easy for him.

"Hi, Os," he says calmly, like we have a normal brother relationship. Like everything's fine. Like he actually gives a shit. "How are you doing?" Always acting like the nice, perfect son.

I turn away without answering him. As I walk up the stairs, I curse myself, remembering what Blair said: Show him you're not afraid to call out what he's doing. I stop in front of Maddie's door. Don't be scared. You're not a weak kid anymore. But Maddie is. She needs me. Maybe I can be the person for her that I needed when I was a kid.

My eyes drift to the right. My old room. I shake my head, shake off the memories, and knock on Maddie's door. She doesn't answer, so I push it open carefully. "Maddie?"

It's dark in her room, only a small night light glowing in the socket by the door. Her desk is a mess covered in books, notebooks, folders. Looks like she's been brooding over her homework.

"Maddie?" I ask again. Only then does the small heap on her bed stir, and she sits up. "Hey," I say softly, sitting down beside her. "How are you, bug?"

It looks like she was listening to music and probably nodded off while doing it. She pulls out her headphones and tucks her legs up against her chest. Smiles a little. "I'm okay."

"Are you?" My hand reaches out to her messy hair, only intending to brush it out of her eyes.

Maddie flinches. I pause, studying her face. "I'm really okay," she rushes to say, as if she's trying to fill the sudden silence.

I slowly pull my hand back. She's never flinched before, not just because I wanted to touch her. She's never slid away on the mattress, trying to put as much distance between us as possible. We literally slept in the same bed every time she stayed at my place. She never had a problem. This is different. Something's changed.

"Why didn't you answer?" I ask. "I was worried."

She looks down at her fingers. In the almost-dark, I can only vaguely make out the red spots and the rash on her hands. "I'm sorry..."

"It's okay, don't worry about it." I try to read it in her eyes. In her movements. Everything in me resists asking, but the fear of the answer is tearing me apart. "Maddie," I start slowly, thinking about standing up because she looks so uncomfortable, pressing herself into the corner of the bed. "Did something happen?"

She doesn't answer. Her eyes flick away, avoiding mine. After a moment, she just shrugs.

"If you can't tell me," I say quietly, "can you at least answer my questions?" She nods. "Did David touch you again?" A slow nod. "Did he..."

The words get stuck in my throat. I swallow the lump, remembering how Maddie reacted when I asked her to take off her pants back then. "Maddie... did David ever take off your clothes?" She hides half her face behind her knees. Then she nods. She buries her face completely, her shoulders trembling. A broken sob escapes her.

I stand up. My hand covers my mouth. I clench my teeth, trying to hold myself together. A wave of nausea hits me. My head spins. I never thought David could go that far. That's it. I won't let him go any further. Finish him, I remember Blair's words and the fury makes me go still, my fists tightening until they hurt.

"Maddie," I say, turning to her. "Come on. Let's go. We're gonna make him stop."